I wanted to add this: The part of you that "feels good" or even feels justified in calling your W names is NOT the part of you that you want to encourage to drive the bus. Whether she "deserves" it or not (and I'm not saying your irritation or anger is unjustified-- those are feelings, and feelings don't need to be justified), for you to treat her with disrespect is bad for YOU.
If you two agreed to create an atmosphere of civility with no name calling or DISPLAYS of anger, you might make some progress. (You also might not.) But it can't be a bad thing for both of you and your kids to live together in a climate of respect-- even if you still make each other mad. We're not talking here about feelings, but about behaviors.
If you cannot agree that cussing at your W and calling her names is behavior that must change NO MATTER HOW MAD YOU GET AT HER, then I guarantee there is NO hope for you or your R. This is a character issue for YOU, cobra. Changing this is on YOUR agenda, never mind about HER agenda. That's her business. Do YOUR work.
