Name-calling is absolutely out of line, for either of you. Also, involving your S in the argument is completely out of line too...("I came into the kitchen and told S9 to be sure to speak loud, that other wise he will get blame for W’s lack of hearing.") YOU NEVER INVOLVE YOUR KIDS.
I'm not even going to address her behavior, just yours...because that's what you do have control over. There is no excuse for calling her what you did...none, I don't care how pissed SHE made you...calling her a fcking bitch is going to do nothing but escalate the situation, as it did. You have absolute control over your own behavior, when you feel yourself getting to that point mentally tell yourself "STOP" or "EDIT", it works.
