My biggest piece of advice would be to lighten up a bit.
Instead of meeting her 'tests' with your own beefed-up anger, try to defuse the situation with humor. Keep confident and unruffled. When you get angry and holler back at her, she knows she's gotten to you. Staying unruffled (though not aloof, I suspect that is one of your defense mechanisms) but still kind and loving towards her would rock her to her core.
I know it's hard and I can't tell ya exactly how to do it but I see MrH doing it to me and I can tell you from firsthand experience that it works.
I think this is a place where Blackfoot will be able to help you better than the ladies cause it's Greek to me, I just seem to know it when I see it. Or, rather, I react to it when I see it but I couldn't tell you specifically what is happening in the moment.
