when the bomb goes off, we all have a habit of making the wife/husband out to be something they never were. Nothing takes the imaginary shine off the WAS like a fresh face. most usually see the WAS for what they really are and then detaching becomes fast and furious.
SRT, my advice would be to date other women when YOU want to not as a tool to piss off your W. Just do it when and if you really feel you are ready. It sure can be a morale booster when women give you the impression that you are desirable. I know I have truly been lifted from dark moods when a beautiful woman (who am I kidding, any woman! ) gives me a sweet smile or flirts a little. Yet also remember you are still grieving your M too. It's way to easy to fall into a rebound R just to drown out the loss you are so rightly feeling. But, you know best what will work for you.
I agree with Whatis about the rebound thing. I think you ought to consider taking a break, at least as long as it takes to get through the process, before even thinking about dating. Not only would you be harming any relationship you got into because of all the baggage you will inevitably bring into it, but you will be avoiding the healing that you need to go through from this relationship. Don't forget that dating will have its own ups and downs, it won't all be a morale booster, so make sure you're good and strong before you test the waters.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
There is no doubt...and I hear what you are saying...I would definitely not rush into anything serious. I will take some months to find myself before I even think about doing that. I do admit there is a part of me that wants to run out and jump into the fray because I know it will mask the pain. I know that is not healthy and I need to time to grieve and work on myself so that I will be whole before I enter my next relationship.
I am certainly not jumping into anything serious any time soon...first of all I feel I need to be divorced to even think about getting serious. Plus this time I really want to take my time and not settle and look for red flags and heed them. I do not think I could ever be in a realtionship with a divorced woman who walked away from their previous husband unless there was like very bad circumstances regarding it where she had no other choice. My current wife was a walkaway from her first marriage too...should have paid more attention to that...I do think it is a pattern. I just KNOW when/if I get married again I want it to last...I really want to grow old with someone...seems hard to find these days...
"Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth."
Here is my sad story of the day...so flippin pissed off.
Well me and the W have been actually getting along pretty well. The A is still on and she is moving out and we are separating and all of that is still on but we have had a lot of nice talks and been very affectionate. Things have been nice...actually seemed possible that after some time we could reconcile.
So I decide to write her a very passionate long love letter/email...some of my best work if I do say so...very heartfelt...a little erotic...very creative...it was good...I was proud... What does she do??? She flipping rewrites the entire thing and substitutes her OM for herself in the email and sends it off to him. So now I am flippin helping her write love letters to her OM. GAH!
When I saw she did that it floored me...I guess in the end it strengthens my resolve to end this...I can't take that kind of betrayal...it is so sick it is almost comical. Biting my tongue...
"Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth."
I'm with ya, SRT. I took my W and family to this lovely place (W had never been there) to view the fall colors changing. I find out next day she's taking OW there, too! I'm helping her find romantic places for her A ! Hey, I guess we just have to be happy that yours liked what you wrote and mine liked where I took her! I'll bet if this was a sitcom you'd be laughing right now.
) gives me a sweet smile or flirts a little. Yet also remember you are still grieving your M too. It's way to easy to fall into a rebound R just to drown out the loss you are so rightly feeling. But, you know best what will work for you.