It IS ridiculous, but a lot of life is ridiculous! If we can't laugh, we'll go insane.
Well, given your situation, why NOT date other women, even if it is just as friends? You know, even if you are over the partying stage of your life, you could still enjoy yourself. It would probably help you, and it could make your wife wake up. Let her watch her son for an evening. I know I did not like it when my husband dated other women...because single women generally want a husband! It felt threatening to me, and it did help speed our recovery. I did begin to realize that I could lose him. I began to feel the same pain that I had caused him. I needed that (even though I already felt guilty). I had to learn the hard way
You know best what is in your heart, and what other people say do not matter as much as that. At the same time, you probably need to take care of your self, make sure you are happy with you.
You know, when I had the affair, I think part of it was that I felt angry. I did not have the affair because of the anger, but I know I was angry. I did not feel heard or that I mattered as much as my husband did in our marriage. The affair did not help, but it seemed like so much the answer at the time- I was delusional. There are so many issues to work out. I think that both of you going to counseling with the right counselor at the same time is very important.
And it is amazing that when my husband and I began to work on really hearing each other and listening and caring, the trust began to return. The insecurities faded, too. It takes help and time and a lot of work though. You both have to want it.
Also, it is still sometimes tough for me because my husband got a hell of a lot of sympathy when I had the affair. I got almost no support. I found out who my friends were. People judge and judge and judge. Realize that this is not easy for your wife right now either, especially if your family knows about it too. Your wife is probably terrified of losing the support she is getting from the OM. The condemnation (plus my guilt) really made me want to leave at one point. What's the use of being a better person if you're already condemned?
