Well had a huge blow up with the W yesterday after I emailed the OM some expletives...I know stupid thing to do but a few things set me off and I was out of control. No threats or anything...just a little name calling. He of course immediately called the W and she was P-ed off...we said more than a few words to each other...she is very protective of OM and does not want him blamed at all...
While it was certainly a very negative day...I think it ended up being positive for me in the end...I got a lot of emotions out and I just feel like I am finally done. Slept like a baby last night for the first time in a month. I realize I can't hold on any longer and need to stop sabotaging the relationship and just let it go...it is the best for S3 that I stop caring about what the W does and just let her go on with her life and hopefully it will allow us to remain friends and be good parents. It is the hardest thing I have ever experienced but I finally feel like it is over and I can really detach myself from the situation. I wrote her a 4 page email apologizing and just trying to map out a future for us. She read it today and emailed me back saying she was very thankful for the email and agreed with everything but was a little leary that my evil twin would return. Very understandable...now I just need to execute the plan and move on.
Our marriage is over...I do not want her back...too much damage is done...I could never see her the same way again. This is what I need to understand...it is done and it is stupid to hold and continue to make things stressful and hurtful.
It is going to take me a lot of time to heal still but I hope I am finally on that path. Going to be depressed for a long time...hopefully I can control my emotions around her and suffer in my own private hell. On to the next chapter in my life...thanks for all the support from people who have posted...and do better in your situations! I feel like I failed on a lot of levels and maybe I should have been able to save this but in the end I am just glad it is over.
"Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth."
