My Story - Looking for help and support

[SRTogacihC]

Not sure I will be posting much here from now on...I think things are pretty much done. I have decided to give up on the situation.

We are separating and I really feel like it is over. She is too infatuated with OM. She is moving out Nov 1st. She has had some good leads at finding a decent job and this has really energized her and convinced her she can survive on her own and now she is going full force forward with leaving. As much as I love her/loved her...I do not feel like I could ever trust her again. She continues to lie. I went into PI mode a while back (probably a mistake as this has really sabotaged everything now that I know all of the gorey details)...I think there has just been too much damage at this point. She would really need to convince me if I was ever to even consider taking her back.

I have given up on her. I am going to concentrate on myself and my son. My son will be staying with me and she is moving out to find an apartment. It is going to be rough being a single father of a 3 year old but I am kind of looking forward to the challenge. I am so thankful that I will have S3 full time. I want to remain friends with the W because I need her to be a good mother to our son and I will need her help. Plus I do not want a messy divorce. Those are the reasons I think it is best she leaves asap...while we are in the same house I foresee things getting worse and worse...I cannot deal with the A and she refuses to end it...we will both be hitting our heads against the wall.

I am going to stop trying to convince her to stay and am really trying to push her out. I think it will be the best for both of us. She needs to be out on her own. I feel like I am a good catch still and I can find a new wife in time and start over...without baggage and try to do things right this time. I know one thing I will be lot more cautious on entering another marriage...I need to pay attention to the red flags. I have a very good job, I am physically fit, hopefully will be able to keep my house...I figure I should be a good catch.

I sound confident but part of me is still in a lot of pain...I do love my W dearly and hate to see it end in divorce. I just refuse to live with the affair...I don't know how you guys/gals live with it while it is going on...I do not have that strength. I refuse to accept it.

What hurts me is I think divorce is the worst thing for S3 but at this point I see no other way. Luckily I have a close family who I am sure will support and help me immensely. Time to start the next chapter in my life.