My plan now is to start detaching. It is so hard because I do love my wife very much. I want to be around her...I want to hold her...but I can't take it much more. She is leaving Nov 1st whether she likes it or not. I refuse to stay in this situation. Wife still wants us to stay together but also wants OM in her life...I am not doing this. Yesterday she came to me and said she does not think she will be ready to leave Nov 1st...she may need a couple months...I almost lost it...I told her absolutely no way...I refuse to live in this situation for that long...Nov 1st is pushing it for me...I can afford to move her out now without her working and I am willing to do that just to get some space. Will not work for me. She better start getting busier and find herself a job and apartment. Reality needs to start setting in. It really isn't yet...she still spends far too much time sulking or sitting on the computer.
I need to withhold affection...I guess if she wants some she can come to me but I am going to stop coming to her. I don't think she understands how close she is to losing me for good. I am so tired of the situation. That was the point of setting a date...to get it decided but she absolutely refuses to decide. I told her we are now separated...but it is very hard when she comes to me and tells me she loves me and does not want to risk losing me...the only thing I can tell her now is that is fine...stop doing what you are doing. I need to think of myself right now...I feel like I am too supportive of her.
We watched a Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus video together last night. Was kind of nice...obviously a lot made sense. Did not seem very helpful in our current situation...until we are out of the insanity can't really do much working on making a better marriage.
The sad thing is at this point I think I am more afraid she is going to decide to stay. I don't know if I can ever trust her again. It is going to take a lot of time for me to feel whole and good about us again. I love her dearly but this has really shaken me.
The plan for this week is to get my son in day care. Wife is thinking about flying to spend a week with an old family friend so she can remove herself from the situation and maybe think clearly. Maybe start detaching from OM. Give me some space. *Hopefully* make some decisions.
One day at a time...need to keep reminding myself...my goal this week is to be calm...withdrawn...not an emotional wreck.
"Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth."
