Did make love for the first time in 5 weeks...which was nice. We are still affectionate and still get along well most all of the time. It is just the combination of the OM and her feeling like she wants to be alone and not answer to anything or anyone. She denies her true feelings for the OM but I do know different...she does let it slip sometimes...and I know she is still in a PA (which she denies).
While I don't talk about this kind of stuff with her...because it upsets her but it just astounds me all that she is willing to give up to keep her R with OM. She now seems willing to give up her child...her family...my family...financial freedom...willing to isolate herself...me...basically everything...I don't understand aliens. I do understand that internally this must be the hardest thing in the world for her and the R with OM is so valuable to her. Still what she really wants is to keep her A going and live with me...I just refuse to be #2 or #1A...
Closest thing I have found to understand:
Romantic Infidelity
Surely the craziest and most destructive form of infidelity is the temporary insanity of falling in love. You do this, not when you meet somebody wonderful (wonderful people don't screw around with married people) but when you are going through a crisis in your own life, can't continuing living your life, and aren't quite ready for suicide yet. An affair with someone grossly inappropriate - someone decades younger or older, someone dependent or dominating, someone with problems even bigger than your own - is so crazily stimulating that it's like a drug that can lift you out of your depression and enable you to feel things again. Of course, between moments of ecstasy, you are more depressed, increasingly alone and alienated in your life, and increasingly hooked on the affair partner. Ideal romance partners are damsels or "dumsels" in distress, people without a life but with a lot of problems, people with bad reality testing and little concern with understanding reality better.
Romantic affairs lead to a great many divorces, suicides, homicides, heart attacks, and strokes, but not to very many successful remarriages. No matter how many sacrifices you make to keep the love alive, no matter how many sacrifices your family and children make for this crazy relationship, it will gradually burn itself out when there is nothing more to sacrifice to it. Then you must face not only the wreckage of several lives, but the original depression from which the affair was an insane flight into escape.
People are most likely to get into these romantic affairs at the turning points of life: when their parents die or their children grow up; when they suffer health crises or are under pressure to give up an addiction; when they achieve an unexpected level of job success or job failure; or when their first child is born - any situation in which they must face a lot of reality and grow up. The better the marriage, the saner and more sensible the spouse, the more alienated the romantic is likely to feel. Romantic affairs happen in good marriages even more often than in bad ones.
"Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth."
