All weekend we flipped and flopped...she is in a ton of pain. I hate seeing it. But I do want us to come to some sort of conclusion. It is very hard...one minute she is telling me she thinks she can do it and we should do this and that...I get my hopes up but then literally 10 minutes later she is crying saying she can't do it. She is still in a lot of denial about what is happenning but I do not dare voice that. I am just being supportive and if she asks I state my feelings on the matter but ultimately she is the one with decisions to make. I can't make them for her.

My only demand on her is she 100% end the relationship with OM. If she does that I am willing to agree to almost anything else. If she is not willing to end the relationship with him one of us has to move out. When she leans towards moving out she has agreed to leave S3 with me and while I would not be happy about her leaving, I am joyous of the prospects of having my son with me.

Even if she moves out she says she wants to date me and reconnect which is a good sign...I guess...she said likely she would like to come back permanently after a year of being away...I told her if it comes to that I would try but I refuse to make any promises to her if she leaves. If she does move out I feel like she is abandoning us and if she does move out she is going to date other men and I do not approve of that...I acknowledge I will have no control of that if she leaves. I am afraid if she leaves I may just want her out of my life and may move on...as much as I love her I feel like I have to protect myself.

I think Thursday night is going to be decision day...I checked into a hotel last night to give each of us some space. We are still going to meet for dinner a couple times. It was just counter productive with us around each other 100% of the time...almost constant relationship talk and I really want her to think about things without me there for a few days...I need the time for myself too. I have to consider exactly what I am willing to do.

"Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth."