Had a terrible day today. I broke down...everything seems so hard. W was headed out with OM this evening and it was on my mind all day...I finally lost it basically as she was leaving which was the last thing I wanted to do. Now she leaves the house seeing me pathetic...upset herself because she sees how depressed I am...heading to a night out with OM who is going to make her feel happy. Last flippin thing I wanted to do. It seems I can't help sabotaging myself and this relationship.
Now I have to go to the flippin train station to pick up my MIL...and have to face her for the evening while W is out with her boyfriend. JOY!
I feel like I need to leave for a few days...just remove myself from the situation to clear my head.
The sad thing is I can tell the W really does want to stay married and just needs me to be strong and provide a positive atmosphere and I think we could sort through things. Problem is I am having a hell of a time doing that for any extended time. Last night we had a great time...though as good as time as we were having I felt even more depressed at the thought of losing everything...it was like this is what I am fighting for...my son...my wife...our lives together...and it feels like I am losing the battle.
I need to be able to escape when I am feeling this down...get away before I start dumping on her...
Oh well...another day...it was a bad day but tomorrow will be better.
"Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth."
