The MC said basically about the same as what you posted. I do realize this could be a problem. I know I am in for a rocky road during MC...wife really sees me as the one with all of the problems...I am not fighting these accusations as I do know I am responsible for a lot of the failures in the marriage...but I also understand that she has her own part in the failure...she has been very reluctant to hear any of that (I have dropped trying to fight that battle as it is a losing one without moderation). One reason I liked this MC is that I could see she could see this and was trying to set expectations and let the wife know that we both have responsibility (I guess any MC is going to do the same). Wife has admitted while she is agreeable to MC she does not feel like she has much work to do…which is probably a bad approach to the situation.

The problem with the OM is the wife no longer sees her relationship with him as an affair. She says she does not see him like that. It is very obvious to me and to the MC it is still an emotional affair…and she is not ready to give it up because it does make her feel good. W made an analogy that OM is like a drug…it makes her feel good to be around him. She told me this morning if we work on our marriage I can replace him filling those needs and be her new drug. Does not exactly sound healthy to me…”Drugs are bad mmm-kay”. Wife has definite self-esteem issues and needs constant reinforcement and attention…this is definitely one of the roots of our issues. I do not deny I have my own issues too.

So I do not know what to do? Maybe MC is a bad idea at this point…but what else can I do? I am afraid I do not have the strength and knowledge to make much difference on my own…on my own about the only thing I can do is be a door mat and agree to everything…I do not think I can live like that for very long. The positives are that at least I have the W at a point where she is willing to go to MC and work on things…she says she does feel strongly we can work things out and make things better. Our relationship this past week has been good. The only other alternative I see is to get W and myself into independent counseling…maybe this is the right approach so we each can try and get healthy on our own before working on our marriage together?

"Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth."