Quote: I think MOST of the people who turn WAS are in this place where they have given up long ago on the marriage and for whatever reason we just haven't seen that.
Sure, a lot of it is justification of their actions but some of it has to ring true, especially from their perspective.
Yes all very true. My W had told me she really gave up about two years ago and kind of contented herself to just live the lie and just be depressed and not expect much more from our relationship. Everything changed when she met a new group of friends in February...she started having fun again and then met OM who was fun and made her feel special. Her new plan was to have an A with OM...and just live her own life and hide it from me...basically do as she pleased and still remain married and kind of live a lie at home...the problem is I immediately sensed the difference and sensed that there was trouble and I went into beg & plead mode which pushed her stronger down her new path until I uncovered everything that was going on. This really upset her that I disrupted her new plan that she felt was going to work very well for her.
She is still in the mode of I am going to do what makes ME happy and if you do not like it too bad. I don't necessarily see this as horrible because I do want her to live her own life and find happiness...it just cannot involve sleeping around and she does have to have some respect for me eventually. I just hope to convince/demonstrate to her that we can have a good fulfilling marriage and she can still go out and have fun...and heck we can even go out together sometimes and have fun. It does not need to be all or nothing...we just need to reshape our lives so we both find them fulfilling and are satisfied. I have always been alright with her doing her own thing and having her own set of friends it is just that she can't forsake me and ignore all her other responsibilities to just focus on herself...there has to be a happy balance there somewhere...for now I guess I am satisfied cohabitating and letting her be focus on herself but eventually we need to have a better marriage if we are to last together. I feel I owe her some ME time but I will not live in a loveless marriage forever...I deserve more too...
I have hope...she seems willing to work on it...better off than many on here...we still get along pretty well and love one another...just a matter of piecing things back together differently.
Well time for lunch...she is meeting me at work with S3 to have a little family lunch...no R talk just smiles
"Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth."
