Quote: I am realizing the OM is not really a huge problem right now and I really need to stop focusing any energy on him. The problem is what has been missing in our relationship. My wife was definitely on the verge of WAW and the A was just kind of her new attitude of I am going to do what I want since I have given up on my marriage. I don't think she actually wants to walk because she does feel some obligation to our S and was happy just kind of living a separate hidden life and would have went that route for awhile or at least until she found a situation where she could make a clean break.
I think if more people realized that THIS was the state of things in their sitches and not some kind of evil "why is she/he hurting me so much" thing we would be a lot better off. I commend you on seeing this.
I think MOST of the people who turn WAS are in this place where they have given up long ago on the marriage and for whatever reason we just haven't seen that. I know my W said that, and many WAS's say that. She was aghast when I was shocked that things were as bad as she claimed they were. To her, the marriage was over long ago and it was only a matter of time until either we separated or one of us had an affair. Sure, a lot of it is justification of their actions but some of it has to ring true, especially from their perspective.
