There is no doubt she is finding something in him and I am not taking what she says for granted. A lot of it has to do with him being new and him giving her undivided attention and making her feel attractive. He is funny and care free (in a sense). She has been pretty honest about her feelings and sometimes while she is telling me I may not comprehend immediately but ultimately she has been very correct.
Heck she even gave me hints of what she needs me to do to win her back and a lot of them were very DB-ish...don't make myself so available...stop the begging/pleading/sob stories...pull away and that will draw me to you...get a life...etc... Kind of gives me a new respect for her that she understood what I should be doing before I even realized what was happenning.
Last night she came home ~12 and we sat and talked a little. I think I am slowly winning her back. She still is telling me the OM is just a friend now (again)...she is definitely learning more about him and not finding good things. Said she was never considering leaving me for him...in her words he is too messed up...she kind of feels like his therapist...lot of family problems...drug problems...alcohol problems...etc... I actually think me allowing her to see him openly may be helping out our situation...the mystery/excitement of having a secret relationship is kind of gone and I think it has removed some of the attraction. She is seeing things more how they truly are. It really helps me when she comes home and tells me kind of what they talked about and that it is no longer physical etc... At least I feel she is being honest with me right now and that is a help.
I am realizing the OM is not really a huge problem right now and I really need to stop focusing any energy on him. The problem is what has been missing in our relationship. My wife was definitely on the verge of WAW and the A was just kind of her new attitude of I am going to do what I want since I have given up on my marriage. I don't think she actually wants to walk because she does feel some obligation to our S and was happy just kind of living a seperate hidden life and would have went that route for awhile or at least until she found a situation where she could make a clean break. She realizes she has a lot to lose if we D/S...life will become more difficult. I am working hard on making changes and I think a lot of them have been working to strengthen/renew our relationship...it is just going take awhile...took us awhile to get this messed up...will take awhile to get something back.
Definitely difficult sometimes...ups and downs...I do feel optimistic. I really think it is just a matter of me making the right changes and slowly making progress. MC tonight...still holding out hope that the MC will give us ideas on how to reconnect and help us make some permanent changes for the good. 180s have seemed to work well. Somehow I just need to break her attitude of you should have made these changes two years ago when I cared...I figure if I keep up the changes eventually she might start caring again and see it may be worth it. Kind of funny but I think I will see it as a positive when she starts nagging me a little...it will mean she cares about our relationship.
"Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth."
