Well had another nice evening last night. Now today she informed me she is going out tonight after school to meet with her friend. Just told her to have a good time and I will see her when she gets home. Insists they are just friends now but it still is VERY difficult for me. But tonight I will just smile and hope I can remain composed...I feel like we have made good progress in our relationship the last few days and I do not want any set backs. She is going out with her group of friends on Saturday too...while me and S3 go to the train station to pick up the MIL...I feel like I am getting walked over but I really do not know what else to do? Our relationship has surely been more pleasant since I stopped fighting the situation. This is going to be very difficult to wait for a natural death to the situation...but I do not know what else to do...making ultimatums and demands I know is going to push her further away. At least when we are together now we are getting along but how long can I continue to share the affections of my wife with another man?
Last night we laid in bed and watched sex in the city DVD and I gave her a foot massage...after the show she was like I am not tired and not hungry...What do you want to do? She had kind of a please F me look on her face...we started making out a little but then I think I withdrew and kind of ruined the moment...and then we both realized what was going on and she kind of ran off to do her nightly routine...it is like every fiber in my being wanted to make love but I want her to make the first move...I really want to be patient and let her initiate the action and make the decision. Not that it will change much when we do...still a long road ahead...but at least I see it as a positive that for a moment she wanted to get passionate.
Oh well tonight will be sort of a difficult night but I will play it cool. Tomorrow is our second MC session. Not sure how that will go...almost feel like we should call it off until the A is over...or look for a new MC. I just do not want it to be as disasterous as the first where she immediately bolts for OM. I feel like I should meet with the MC for 5 minutes in private and tell her how I want to handle the A for now and see if she is agreeable to that. I just do not feel I can make demands with my W and force her to do anything...I have to let her come back on her own if I have any chance of ressurecting our marriage. The MC wants to have private sessions with each of us also and maybe I can suggest she can talk about the A with my wife in a private session so at least I will not be in the setting and seen as an instigator of the situation.
It is so hard for me to not R talk with her...it is like I am astounded that she is willing to throw all we have away for some punk kid. Takes all the will I can muster not to get angry and fight back. Well I am going to continue to concentrate on myself and just be the best I can be. Continue to work on 180s. Wish me luck and support...I need it right now.
"Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth."
