Listen... when you're so totally hurt, as you are, it is easy to take the blame for everything. unless you were beating her or mentally abusing her, you are not the cause of this affair. you not bringing her flowers or doing the dishes everynight didn't put her into OM's bed. she put herself there. stop beating yourself up.
your situation sounds pretty positive. sounds like she is remorsfull, but yet not wanting you to know it, thats GUILT. it's gunna take some time for her to sort all this out, she phucked up and she knows it. it's going to take her some time to deal with the guilt., you're going to go through so weird-awkward times together. don't feel the need to fill any silences with words. IE .> I talked to her on the way home and basically told her go ahead and see OM and lets still go to the MC and just not tell her.>
This is validating her affair. screw that. it also is saying lies are ok. Lies are never ok, not to the counselor or to yourself. you can be honest and let her know she did wrong without the smoke and mirrors of deception.
Look, she knows she did wrong, she just needs the time and space to deal with it, given that, don't tell her seeing OM is ok, it's so not. deal with the awkward time as they come, don't try to soothe every hurt feeling or emmbarassing incident she went through. let her own her screw up. just be there with the understanding everyone can screw-up, even this bad. and be honestly willing to forgive. (thats where I need help)
