Quote: Sorry this has happened to you. But you've come to the right place. I can certainly understand your anxiety re the OM. Why does your W want to maintain contact? After putting you through hell does she really see this as a caring thing to do to you? Does she not see the never ending anxiety this "friendship" brings? I sometimes think about what I would do if my W decided to work on our M (that's my dream!) and decided to keep contact with the OP. Somehow it just doesn't seem respectful or really committing to work on the M. It seems like keeping the reserves on hand, just in case. I certainly could be wrong, it's happened before! What do others here think? You might want to check Wedge's thread as he has been dealing with this same issue.
Her excuse is she was friends with this individual before it blew up to an affair and wants to remain friends. She says she is sorry it turned into an affair and she regrets it...blah blah blah. At first I basically had her in agreement to stop all contact with him but she was very upset about that and really closed me out...and I also think she was going to remain in contact with him regardless and was going to do it behind my back. I really think she was ready to bolt so I figured at least this way I have a chance. So I guess I made the decision to give in to her and hopefully that puts her in a better mood to work with me. It does suck though...she is out meeting him tonight for the first time since A-day discovery and I am really struggling.
She says she wants to work on our marriage which is a positive but it certainly tears me up for her to still be in contact with him...but she basically does not care. It is like she does not believe I should be upset...she says it is over and they are just friends.
I have no idea if I am making the right choices but at least since I did allow the OM back in the picture she has been much more affectionate to me and has been in a better mood and more willing to talk about things. She has also been up front about contact with him. She is really out for herself right now and admits that.
I just don't know what else to do. At this point I really want to stay married but I do not know how long I can put up with "I am going to go hang out with OM tonight...see ya later...don't wait up". I know I will not put up with that forever but for now I feel I must.
I guess I am hoping for a miracle in MC...that we will reconnect and she will no longer have a need for him. or that eventually he will go away on his own. It is like I have to hope for a natural death to the situation.
It is torture. She even wants us to meet and hang out together. For now this is the hand I am dealt so I must play it...I am not ready to fold....the flop is kind of ugly...hoping for a better turn and river.
"Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth."
