Well we went out tonight with another couple. It was fun and everything was kept pretty lite...did not smother her much and we had some laughs. Still having a very hard time not constantly thinking about the future of our marriage.
I wish I knew what was on her mind. She is not willing to share any of her feelings or thoughts...I do not push the subject and am trying to keep everything simple and non confrontational. I know she is still very angry that I caught her and the measures I took to expose her. She is angry that now she is going to be seen as the bad guy when I am probably the one with a lot of the problems that got us to this point. When we go to MC I really do not want to focus on the A and I plan on accepting much of the blame to validate her. It is the truth anyway...I really do want to work on lifestyle changes that will allow us to have a better marriage.
At this point I do not care about the affair as long as it is over. I just think of it as an indication that something was dramatically wrong with our relationship. I just want her back...and am praying she is willing to really work on fixing what is broke. I want to be a better husband...but I also expect more from her...honesty...communication...respect. I know I am far from perfect.
Tomorrow night we are going on a date alone...I am worried I will not be able to be strong. It will hard not to beg and plead and smother...but I know I must be strong...noone wants to be with someone who looks pathetic. We were going to go to our favorite resturaunt but I am not sure...haven't felt much like eating lately...I would rather go see some live music somewhere and get something light to eat...wish me luck...
"Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth."
