Quote: Do NOT act like it's not ripping my heart out. I know the way I feel. I certainly don't feel capable . . . They are better off anywhere but with me!
Do you really think they are better off without you? You need to stop being so selfish. Those girls have a "home" with you. Right now it might not be the home you wanted to give them but it is something. You can give them love.
AND HOW THE HELL CAN YOU POSSIBLY THINK OF DOING THAT TO KIYA & FELINA AFTER THE FEELINGS YOU HAVE STRUGGLED WITH OVER BEING ADOPTED?? I UNDERSTAND why I was put up now. This has been an eye opening time in my life. open them a little wider!!!! I see the reasoning. I understand that my mother did what was best. My life with her would have been hell. I cannot provide anything for Kiya and Felina . . . The only way Kiya and Felina would have a bad life is if you don't stop all of this and be a mom. You can provide things for them. You put food on the table and they have a roof over their head. Once you get child support you will be able to do more. Kids don't need material things if they have love. Give them your love and your time. That is a heck of a lot more your H could offer them. KIYA DOESN'T KNOW HER FATHER SO IT WOULD BE THE SAME THING. FELINA BARELY KNOWS HIM. I know . . . but they would forget me. They wouldn't forget you. Felina would think her mother abandoned her and didn't want her. Do you want to put her through that? Felina's only two. . . she would grow to love another as her mother. If that happens to be Cassie . . so be it. They would know him. They would have a better life with him. Again, I disagree!!!! Has he asked for them? NO! Does he call Felina daily to say hi or call you to ask how they are doing? NO!!! Right now he is thinking only of himself. Both of you are being selfish. Are you sure you don't want him to have them because you think it isn't fair he is out running around while you are stuck at home with the kids? I felt that way at one time but it will be a cold day in HELL before anyone takes my kids. No matter what happens, I get the better end of the deal, I have my kids. Kiya would never know the difference. The change over would be a little tough on Felina . . . but it's the best I can offer her. Kiya would know the difference. She is used to you and it would be hard on her too.
I try not to say too many things that would upset people on here because I don't want to hear it myself but you have hit a nerve with me and I can't keep my mouth shut. You need to stop being selfish and thinking only of yourself. You say you are thinking about your girls but you aren't. Your H can't give them 1/8 of what you have given them. You have made a home for them. How much of a home would it be for them being thrown from sitter to sitter because he is on the road a lot? That isn't any kind of life at all.
Grow up and stop obsessing on all of this. Until you learn to let go, you won't be able to do things. Everyone on here is in the same situation wanting their spouses home and we all have to sacrifice a lot to hang on to our sanity. If everyone gave up because things weren't going that way it would be many more divorced people in the world. You can't give up on love. If you love someone enough you will try anything you can to keep them or get them back. You need to detach, you haven't done that yet. You need to stop calling him. When you call him and he doesn't answer, you assume he is with Cassie. Maybe he is and maybe he isn't but assuming really kills you doesn't it? If you didn't call, you wouldn't have to assume. I have found not knowing where my H is or what he is doing helps more.
Emily, I hope you don't take my post the wrong way. I just don't want to see you give those girls up and regret it (because you will).
