Quote:

Emily,
Please get professional help. You're not seeing things clearly. You're going down that swirling hole and trying to grab on to things that are not there.
The only certain things in your life are your girls and you're letting them go.
If you want to help yourslef and your girls that's what you have to do. Get to a psychiatrist - there should be one at your local county hospital. Look online.

Here is the PA Mental Health Agency:
Office of Mental Health and Substance Abuse Services
P.O. Box 2675
Harrisburg, PA 17105-2675
Phone: 717-787-6443
Fax: 717-787-5394

They can help you find someone to see. You really need to do this. It's no use us trying to show you what's really going on, you wont see it.
Please see someone. You're doing things you will regret tomorrow.
This too shall pass.




I tried to talk to my doctor repeatedly.
She seems to think that I am fine.
They had me talk to someone in the office *but she's like student and is really just a sectary*
She only made me feel worse. . . and so . . anyway my doctor for some reason would refer me to talk to anyone else.
Stupid.

I know that this too shall pass.
Honestly right now . . . Felina needs new cloths (her old ones are all getting too small) and I can't buy them *would if I could*
I'm going to need diapers probably before I get my next "paycheck" . . . and I don't have any way of getting more except ask my mom and dad.
Kevin was suppose to give me a little money this weekend.
BUT I can't even get him on the phone . . . much less do anything else.

I understand what you all are saying.
But don't you understand what I am saying?
I just don't feel able to do thia any longer.
As long as I had hope I could scrape by everyday.
I've lost all hope. I am done screwing around with Kevin . . . and he's the only bright thing in my daughters future.
Maybe someday I'll get to step back in after I am . . . well . . . better.
But for right now . . . I am not the right place for this girls.
I can't deal with EVERYTHING. I can't deal with Kiya being sick . . I can't stand going to her doctors appointment on the 27 and seeing the put a cathiter in her little body and run all those test. I can't stand the thought of finding out that my 2 month old has a kidney problem and having no one to turn to.
I can't stand any of this anymore. It's too much.
I've collasped and it's done.