I've decided that if that's the way HE feels about it. Then he NEVER loved me . . . not from square one. I haven't changed. Not in the 4 years he's been with me. . . This is me. Yeah OK . . maybe I should change somethings. I understand that. My self worth doesn't come from him. I could honestly give a rats @ss what he thinks of me now. BUT if me calling him and wanting to talk to him is wrong . . . and it drives him off, well then it's probably for the better. He does always have the option of telling me to quit calling. I mean it's not like I've been pushing him to come back. I just want him to start being truthful with me. That way if we do end up D'd maybe we could at least remain friends! That is the ONLY form of R talk I've brought up. I told him just like that too.
I am trying to not close the door to him. I've realized that certain things shouldn't be up to me because I don't have the wisdom or the foresight to understand where everything will end up. YES I am VERY scared. YES I would rather just tell him to stick it and walk away. . . and just find another (disfunctional) relationship, they are after all a dime a dozen.
I do understand my ownership in our problems. But I also see where it's NOT all my fault . . . and I've already learned so much from our seperation. Maybe I expect too much when he starts to come back . . . but if he can't live up to that then he's NOT the right thing for me.
Dot the I cross the T.
If he can't handle me then he isn't the right man for me.
