Quote: BULLCRAP. As soon as he calls and shows the slightest sign of wanting to come back you then start calling him and starting R conversations. YOU ARE CLINGY AND WILL DRIVE HIM AWAY. .
Actually I haven't started any R convo.
I don't really have anything new . . . I f-up'd this morning, but it's not a huge deal.
He called me late lastnight and had left his cards (gas card, credit card, and drivers license) on a vending machine an hour from where he was suppose to shut down lastnight. Well I guess he called me later at night and told me he had gotten them and such (I don't remember it) so anywho . . . I called him this morning to make sure everything was OK. I know I should have just waited. But I didn't. I will not call him anymore. I DO call him too much you are right about that. I need to knock that off. Because when he shows interest in me then I do start wanting to hear from him . . and I will call him. That's the only thing I really see that I am doing majorly wrong.
I really havn't been bringing up R talk or anything. . .
I've decided that if that's the way HE feels about it. Then he NEVER loved me . . . not from square one. I haven't changed. Not in the 4 years he's been with me. . . This is me. Yeah OK . . maybe I should change somethings. I understand that. My self worth doesn't come from him. I could honestly give a rats @ss what he thinks of me now. BUT if me calling him and wanting to talk to him is wrong . . . and it drives him off, well then it's probably for the better. He does always have the option of telling me to quit calling. I mean it's not like I've been pushing him to come back. I just want him to start being truthful with me. That way if we do end up D'd maybe we could at least remain friends! That is the ONLY form of R talk I've brought up. I told him just like that too.
I am trying to not close the door to him. I've realized that certain things shouldn't be up to me because I don't have the wisdom or the foresight to understand where everything will end up. YES I am VERY scared. YES I would rather just tell him to stick it and walk away. . . and just find another (disfunctional) relationship, they are after all a dime a dozen.
I do understand my ownership in our problems. But I also see where it's NOT all my fault . . . and I've already learned so much from our seperation. Maybe I expect too much when he starts to come back . . . but if he can't live up to that then he's NOT the right thing for me.
Dot the I cross the T.
If he can't handle me then he isn't the right man for me.
Have you ever heard the song "What Hurts The Most" by Rascal Flatts?
My H told me to download it today. He said it might make me cry. . . I wasn't perpared for how hard the tears hit though . . . wow!
Quote: I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do
It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do
What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts
This is me being me . . . I've throwing my arms up in the air . . . let go of the wheel. Now maybe I'll wreck it right into the ground. But I know that my logic and my decisions are flawed and faulty . . . God won't go wrong.
Pat me on the back . . and try to stand behind me . . . watch this sucker play out. Maybe I'll end up heartbroken or maybe just maybe . . it will end with tears of joy!
Quote: It's just that he brought her up in our short convo. He was cleaning out his truck and he said, "The only good thing about having her with me was that she picked after me."
How was I suppose to reply to that?
He did say "The only good thing about having her there..." perhaps implying having her there was all bad except she cleaned up...
Who knows.
Here is a big hug and well wishes for a good weekend.
Quote: My H told me to download it today. He said it might make me cry. . . I wasn't perpared for how hard the tears hit though . . . wow!
My W was really into the drama of lyrics of various songs while she was in her cloud. All it meant was that SHE was still emotionally messed up and I had to CONTINUE to DB and keep my barriers up. Not rry to pull her back. She had choose to COME BACK. And that meant NO OM for several weeks first.
You'll know when it's time to work on getting back together. NOW is not it. He (like my w did) has to learn to appreciate you BEFORE he can attempt to reconcile.
and YOU have to LET HIM. If you don't let him work for it, he will not understand how important you are to him, and how you and your kids can't be taken for granted.
Do this for HIM. Don't be selfish and run to him. Let him grow up like you are doing. Let him have nobody but himself to be with before he is with you, no OW, nobody.
Every other week . . . I am come here and say that I am through . . . and something always seems to keep my standing. But I cannot continue any longer. I thank you all for your heart felt answers . . . for all the harsh truths . . and for never judging me for wanting my H back. Thank you for being the best support system I could have ever asked for. You got me through the hardest parts. But I am defeated. I know when to throw in the towel. It's time. He is just trying to keep Cassie and I both . . . I will not allow it. So . . . my marriage is over.
He never called lastnight as he PROMISED he would. When I gave him a ring this morning to see if he was still coming up to visit . . . his phone was shut off. Which is only important because he NEVER shuts the damn thing off . . unless he's with her. So . . . I am not stupid. I cannot continue to allow him to have his cake and eat it to. When I get his support money I plan to use it to file for the D. We go next week to get the support figured out . . . so it should be in the works within a few months. Maybe by 2007 I can start over . . . Maybe . . .
Anyway . . . Thank you all so much! I wish you all the best of luck . . . and I will say many prayers for all of you fighting for your M's here on this board. God bless! Goodbye.
Ah, let's turn up the drama yet again with the threats to leave us.
Emily, shall we all beg you not to leave now? Should we explain to you yet again how you have to have some strength and self-control if you want to succeed in life? Should we all explain to you yet again that you must give your H time and space to change if you want to have any chance of a good R with him?
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
Quote: Ah, let's turn up the drama yet again with the threats to leave us.
Emily, shall we all beg you not to leave now? No RB. . not at all what I want. Should we explain to you yet again how you have to have some strength and self-control if you want to succeed in life? That's exactly what I am doing. I am taking control. It's over, are you suggesting that I should continue in a duel relationship? I say HELL NO . . I say it's time to let the divorce come and move on. Should we all explain to you yet again that you must give your H time and space to change if you want to have any chance of a good R with him? He doesn't want to have just me. He wants to have BOTH. It's not about time. It's about having that cake and eating it to. I am making a decision . . yes I will have to live with it for the rest of my life as will my girls. But it's better than us coming in second to his girlfriend. I will NOT continue down that path.
