It's just that he brought her up in our short convo. He was cleaning out his truck and he said, "The only good thing about having her with me was that she picked after me."
How was I suppose to reply to that?
My ultimate goal was always to have him "come home" but that's not an option anymore. He'll always be on the road and "free". There was always be space between us. How can it work? I mean if he was always faithful and such . . then his career would be fine. But with him being a "cheater" . . . there will always be that suspicion of OW. There will always be an "out" for him to make up to go see her.
I did call him and he picked up , "Hello sweetheart." I was shaky and upset . . . I explained my feelings I made sure I said that I wanted to be able to trust him and that I wanted he and I to work out. But I also told him, "What I want from you the most . . .is the flat out truth, even if you think it'll break my heart and hurt me. I just want the truth." He said, "OK. Told me he would gladly talk to me . . . but he was heading out. He'd call me tonight." Well alright we'll see how it goes.
I am trying to be distant and yet let him work on fighting his way back. I just feel like I am getting mixed signals. He keeps telling me, "I had made up my mind to come back to you the lasttime . . I don't know what happened and I am sorry . . . etc"
Which is crap . . . or maybe he means it. I just don't know.
I feel guilty and hurt at the same time. I'd like him to step up and mesh our money . . but I feel he won't so I have no choice but to keep the support. I feel bad . . but my hands are tied. (He hasn't said anything about it . . other than he understands, he has to pay it. and that we could talk more about it this weekend face to face.) I'm scared.
