I'm sorry that things are not going better. It is VERY, VERY painful to be in love with someone who is so self-destructive.
Some of you stuff sounds familiar. My H would routinely not come to bed with me. In fairness, he was a night owl. But still, he was unwilling to bend his habits even slightly to be around me when I was awake. I often found H on the coach when I got up in the morning, especially when he was really unhappy with work.
But didn't you say your H reached for you in bed later? That means a lot. Especially if he WAS asleep. And I can imagine that "I love you too" is very good to hear right now, even if the actions aren't there to follow it.
I hope counseling is still going well for you. I know you're in a rough place. Just keep doing what's right for you, now and in the long run.
