Thanks Matilda, I am feeling some better, but I just have these hard feelings toward H that I can not shake. sometimes I think we have so many issues that everything is hopeless.
I did go to the meeting last night. As for counseling I rescheduled last weeks session for this Friday afternoon, but I am still planning to keep my regular appt on Thursday. My insurance will pay for me to go twice per week, so why not?
Last night I had some issues with H. I was trying to tell him about something that was bothering me and he just walked away.
So after I composed myself I went to him and said "it really burts me when I am trying to talk to you and you walk away". I then proceeded to tell him what I wanted to and we talked about it for a bit, but he never said anything about walking away when I was trying to talk to him. I sat there for a bit and tried to make myself bring it up again, but I did not have the energy.
We went to bed at the same time and he did kiss me goodnight. Then in the middle of the night he was grabbing at me... I took WCW advice and went to the bathroom. When i came back he was on his side of the bed snoring. Thank you WCW, such simple advice but really useful!
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
Thanks for checking in guys. WCW, the counselor said basically the same as you. She thought it was big that I said that to him, even though he did not acknowledge it.
Right now I am upset with H about something. I am trying to figure out a way to convey my feelings in a constructive manner. I do not want to push them down I want to let him know how upset I am, but the honest truth is I just do not have the skills to do it.
so keep me in your prayers.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
I'm here, thanks for asking. I decided to take a little break from my own sitch for awhile. we are going to be out of town this weekend so I thought this would be a good time.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
I am still here. I am going to counseling every Thursday afternoon and my only regret is not starting that years and years ago!
As for H and I, I do not know what will happen. Sometimes I find myself questioning how can I value myself and stay with a man who has no love or respect for me. Will I be okay living the rest of my life never hearing the words "I love you" or worse never feeling loved by my H?
After on Sat afternoon I realized he has no emotional connection to me during sex at all. It is purely a physical release to him. No wonder he is perfectly happy in his cyber world of no attachment and no commitment and instant gratification.
On another note: Last night I watched the movie about Johnny Cash and June Carter. I WALK THE LINE, I think it is called. All I could think is this it was supposed to be a wonderful love story, but I just wanted to vomit. The way he was pursuing June while still married to his first wife (the mother of his 4 daughters).
Note to self, no more movies!
I will try and get caught up on everyone else today. Hopefully there will be some good news here from someone. I have high hopes for Matilda... heading to her thread now.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
on Sat afternoon I realized he has no emotional connection to me during sex at all. It is purely a physical release to him. No wonder he is perfectly happy in his cyber world of no attachment and no commitment and instant gratification.