Wonka, Thanks so much for checking in with us. I'm hearing this frquently, the high of infatuation is like a bad drug. The good thing is it apparently wears off, but WHEN! My W has known OP for about 4 years and right from the beginning it was an intense friendship. I actually confronted her at one point about the frequency and intensity of the contact with this person. It was obsessive. I told her to think about her family. She decided to break off contact with this person. At this point it was not an A. After months of depression (and medication) she told me she needed her friend back, I couldn't be her only friend. I agreed and set conditions. It all seemed to be working out OK. I believe this person was playing on her emotional neediness for a long time, she would push her to take on more stressful situations by telling her how smart and talented she was. It was but another way to keep my W dependent on her "support". It actually got to the point where my W pushed for the A, not the OP. This woman coddles my W and makes her every need priority #1. She has told my W that this R is all about her (my W's) needs. It's sick. So this infatuation has been ongoing for a long time (the A is less than a year old, I found out about it 7 mths ago)but my W is actually very responsible, if you want to call it that, when I look at the antics of others in her situation. She puts her children and family time before OP and told OP that was the way it was going to be. In a R "talk" ( a loud one!) I told W that she was just keeping the OP tucked away with limited contact just to keep the infatuation going. If they spent time together as a real couple (like us!) she would be in the same boat she is in now. I hope as you say the real world is creeping in and W is beginning to look at what she is doing to her world and her family. Less stress at work, less outside pressures and a loyal BDing husband I hope will make a dif. She refuses to say she is gay and has never said "I love X", only "I am committed to that R". The bright side is in the past two months she has set up an all day outing for us, we have ML twice (been at least 1 yr since we ML), and she's agreed to take dancing lessons with me once per week. Pretty good stuff, if I may say so! But who knows in the wacky world of infidelity! I hope we hear from you again Wonka and that your sitch works out too.
