Do you want to know the actual truth? None of this really matters!! I am a lesbian who was in a 10-year marriage and my DXW got involved with an OW who was a former college flame. The dynamics of OM/OW are precisely the same: a continuous supply of dopamine. There is absolutely nothing you can do about the A until it wears off. In my view, the WASes here behave far worse than a crack addict. At least the crack addict knows that there is a major problem; whereas, the WASes do not see the OM/OW as an affair because they are already "emotionally" divorced from you.
Breaking up a family? Doesn't matter. Losing their homes? Doesn't matter. Hurting their kids? Doesn't matter. Inflicting financial damage? Doesn't matter. They MUST have their OW/OM dopamine supply. Don't worry...they will eventually see the reality of the situation once the rose-colored glasses fall off. If you would look at the savemymarriage central site, stats are not in favor of A's. Only about 3% of all affairs turn into lifelong marriages/commitments.
Hang in there! Just continue focusing on YOU and GALing. What worked for me a few times was buying new clothes, shoes, and making changes outwardly. I know that my DXW did notice these changes---did not comment on them directly--by looking at me twice! I have not initated any contact with my DXW since around January 2006 and am now very focused on my life by GALing.
