Your caring comments brought a tear to my eye, several actually ... literally.
My head has been hung low for awhile, but I always just remind myself that even with my head hung low, I can still see the tops of most people's heads.
Talking about the EA or about details of OW is just too painful for me. I know that sometimes you have to endure pain to get better, but I am enduring that pain every day anyway. I thought maybe here I could have a sanctuary of sort, where I could discuss other issues and get help with things that I DO need help with, despite the fact that there is an additional giant pile of elephant poo. But I wonder ... the silence from Lou and Lil on my thread is deafening (note: that is not a guilt trip or anything) and I can feel tension from certain people who have been betrayed by SO's in the past. Maybe I ought to move over to Infidelity forum and try to clean up the pile of poo with others involved in the same task and come back here when I can be a more of an appropriate contributor to this forum. I just hate the thought of starting all over, plus it still doesn't change the fact that talking about the EA is still painful for me. Perhaps to clarify just a little, my EA was not the Harley "two people with low love bank accounts spending time together and falling into the A" or the "two hedonists out to satisfy their own desires and to hell with anyone else." The more I look at it, the more one-sided I realize it was, how I was making much more of it than was actually being returned. And in desperation not to acknowledge the rejection that was always hovering there, I really made myself out to be a utter fool. So you can imagine how I must feel now realizing that I hurt my W, the person that has stood with me even if it wasn't exactly the way I wanted her too, for crumbs from a woman that in all likelihood was just playing a game with me. And then what I did next ...
OK, I really don't want to talk about it anymore. I only say these things because I do feel bad that I mislead you all. But I have to decide what course of action is best for me, and that course is to handle this professionally. Good night all. Thanks again for rooting for me, all of you who do. It means a lot to me.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
