Thanks for your thoughts. Some of the things that Corri said to me were starting to click in my head about how my attempts to be assertive and "manly" were probably backfiring on me and undermining intimacy. I apparently still have a lot to learn about how to be assertive ... I guess my attempts are more "omega" male, that is percieved as just trying to be assertive.
So, rebuilding intimacy one day at a time in, big trips out. I guess I just wanted to make sure that if I backed out of the idea (which I actually haven't brought up in awhile) that it wouldn't be percieved as "beta" male, i.e. not insisting on what I want, always just doing what I think will make her happy. As you can all see, I still think about things WAY too much.
BF, to answer your question, it is perfectly sound financially, and there never was an absolute NO given by the W to the idea. But as I stated earlier, I'm going to just drop it and not mention it again ... for awhile (years maybe).
As far as the EA is concerned, I have made a decision in my life to move forward. I am focusing on what IS and what CAN BE, rather than what WAS. Therefore I am choosing not to give any thought to OW or the EA. WITH the exception of my C, MC, and my W as needed in our healing process. If my W wants to know something, or if the MC wants to discuss it, I will talk. Outside of that I am no longer spending ANY emotional/mental energy on OW, and that includes here on this board. I hope none of you view that as a rejection of your offers of help/advice, but as HD (I think) mentioned, in this area I need professional help, so that is the route I am taking. BF told me something awhile ago that aided me in this decision. A big part of our reality is in how we percieve it, in what we choose to focus on. When I talk about OW, invarialby the feelings and memories resurface. So I choose not to think about her anymore (again with the above caveat). Maybe this is not the right way to do it, but it is how I am choosing to do it now (and my C agrees with this methodology).
That being said, my propensity to enter into an EA as it relates to my FOO I will still discuss because I think I can learn some valuable lessons from people here (esp Cobra), and because that is forward-looking in the sense that I don't want it to happen again. I still feel that slight pull when, as MrsNOPs describes with NOPkins, I see the obvious responses by females around me. So it is something I want to fix, and feel I can get help for here.
I would disagree (perhaps pickily) with one statement, that our intimacy is now shattered and broken. We have never had intimacy. That is not to say we never loved each other, just that we never let down our walls and let the other in to the degree that is necessary for a healthy relationship. Privacy of thoughts and feelings have always been a part of our M. So this is not a question of picking up the pieces and trying to put them back together, it is a question of building something new. Maybe that is good thing.
That being said MrsNOPs (and others), specific ideas on how to rebuild intimacy one day at a time are VERY welcome. For example, I have been making an effort to be home earlier every day, be home more weekends, and not spend as much time on the computer while I am at home (another reason for not posting here much recently). I go to bed with her every night, even if I have work to do (so what if the students get pissy with me b/c I don't have their quiz graded yet). And I have made it clear that I want to be a part of and help with every decision about remodeling our new home. I figure that being there every step of the way for our home, the home we intend to live in for the rest of our lives, is an important statement about my intention to stay with her and be a partner with her.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
