Quote: Just wanted to add MHO and list the qualities that make an alpha male:
1) Ability to be honest without being brutal. 2) Willing to love with all the depth of his being. 3) Gentle to lesser intellects. 4) Willing to seriously consider others POV, and if necessary integrate them into his own POV. 5) Keeps his anger in check. 6) Exercises integrity at all costs.
Does anyone know a person fitting this description? Any fictional charcters come to mind?
Chromo. See what happens when you ask a woman for her opinion on what makes a good man? You get all this feel good doooohicky.
I think all of the above traits are very admirable qualities and important to implement inourselves but a couple of them are directly in opposition to the attractive male attributes that trigger sexual desire in women.
So if you want a truthful logical answer, ask a question. If you want truthful emotional answer, your gonna have to generate some emotions in your wife, and monitor the results. Often that will require you fearlessly making decisions, and then seeing the actions that result. NOT the words.
1) Ability to be honest without being brutal. Honesty is vital. In fact I see how in most R's, in some form or fashion its fear of being honest with the SO that leads to conflict avoidance, etc. We assume the SO cant handle our honesty, or dont want to deal with the power struggles or objections. I would change the word brutal to cruel though. There is no need to be cruel, and use it to intentionally damage your SO pysche. I enjoy being butally honest. It weeds out the insecure, thinskins. It lets the OP know exactly where they stand, and gives them the most powerful demonstration of love possible. Choice. I do not regret much, but I will always regret viciously and cruelly using 'truth' to verbally abuse x.
A fictitious character that comes to mine with this trait(brutal honesty used for attraction and as a weapon) is Clive Owens character in 'CLOSER'. If your going thru an A its IMO fairly pysch accurate, but an emotionally wretched movie.
2) Willing to love with all the depth of his being. HAHAHA! LMAO. This is sooo .... HAHAHA. I seriously doubt that HDM feel that their LDW is loving them with all the depth of her being. < Whew> That brings a tear to my eye. hahahah
A woman will love a man that deserves, requires, earns respect. A man can worship and 'love' her till the sun ceases to exist, and she wont ever feel desire for him.
3) Gentle to lesser intellects. Hmm have to contemplate, ... Romantic love usually requires that both parties are pretty evenly matched in intellect. ok ...done pondering
Pulling from my own life, I know that when I deal with the 'lesser intellects' of intoxicated miscreants in a most un-gentle and non-amiable manner, the affect on the females desire and attraction is extremely pronounced. It doesen even have to be witnessed, just relayed from another trusted witness. Kindness and philanthropy are demonstrations of Cine's statement, but they are also demonstrations of overflowing well-being, which usually leads to general sense of self confidance.
) Willing to seriously consider others POV, and if necessary integrate them into his own POV. I beleive this is a good life policy, but in regards to sexual attraction, I completely disagree. There is nothing alpha about this. A leader goes his way. Some will choose to follow others will not. he has a destination in mind. Its only when he stops leading, and becomes uncertain that uncertainty will enter the followers and they begin to feel adrift. A leader can use soft tactics or hard tactics, but his motivation very rarely is the OP POV, it is just to ensure that he keeps everyone moving forward.
Colin Firth in 'ALEXANDER' comes to mind. He would try using soft tactis first, but when that failed he would implement hard tactics to continue on his dream.
Im trying to think of a way this is demonstrated by a fictitious character, in a sexually attractive way...
5) Keeps his anger in check
Shows his emotions congruently, doesnt try to hide or stifle them, which is a form of dishonesty and cannot be trully hidden in the closeness of a R. However his emotions do not control him and cause him to be cruelly reactive. (unattractive, cant control himself/disrespectful to OP boundaries/activates desires for revenge) They (ideally) prompt him to institute and enforce his boundaries. (attractive, strength/confidance/ outcome independant) Failure to enforce his boundaries, looks weak. Better for the R, to 'be mean' and appear attractive, then demonstrate weakness. When I am told "Your MEAN", (with proper tonality) it makes me very happy. I know Im doing the right thing.
For example, x could call me a d!ck or an axhole, with the proper tonality it was ok, made me smile in fact. During reconciliation it got out of control during our verbal fisticuffs. I set a boundary that cursing at /namecalling was NOT allowed while fighting. Scream/yell whatever, but no destructive namecalling. She almost immediately wanted to know if that meant when we were not fighting too. funny stuff. they always want to know where the boundary is.... an if there is any room for fun and teasing....
6) Exercises integrity at all costs. Integrity is very ambiguous and self defined. One the positive side, a person with integrity will not allow disrespect. On the negative, survival and self preservation (fear) are the primary motives for a persons chameleon definition of integrity.
Pledging you undying love to your SO, because of your integrity to your vows, while they ceaselessly disrespect you--testing to see if you have integrity to your self respect-- will never cause them to wanna jump your bones.
Having a window into the life of Atticus Finch there were a lot of admirable traits from the directed POV. I wonder how many women who have read the book felt -weak behind the knees hot desire-- for him though....
