Alpha Male 101

[Corri]

Yeah... I'd put BF into that category.... as a matter of fact, I think every male here has this potential, as well. It's getting all these points to work, all at the same time, that I think is tricky... for anyone. We are only human, after all.

And a woman, I think, who KNOWS herself, and practices these very things herself, will find that she is inspiring her man to do his darndest to be these things as well.

It's a two-way street, and you don't have to wait on HIM (and vice-versa) to be the one to put this into practice. If you do, I'd call that 'entitlement.'

Corri

[CeMar]

cinemanymph or others:

What is the equivalent of the alpha male on the female side. What I am talking about is that the alpha male has characterisitcs that draw women, so what kind of women draws men in a similar fashion. I have some ideas, but would like to hear others first.

[cinemanymph]

Mary,
Atticus is a perfect example.
His female counterpart would be Celie from The Color Purple.
Corri,
I agree with you that these characteristics are not exclusively male. I would very much like to integrate these traits into my character. That would make me an aplha female.
Cemar,
These aren't "sexy" traits, though they can be, they often require a person to do things that make them unpopular.

[CeMar]

Cinemanymph:

I need to clarify, I was looking for a female that MEN would be drawn to in a similar fashsion as women are drawn to alpha males. The true alpha female is NOT appealing to men.

So if women desire alpha men, then what type of woman is desired by men?

[karen1]

Cemar,

I think men primarily desire women they perceive as confident, body aware, intuitive, and "lively". Although some men do seem to enjoy the "shy" type they usually like them because they expect to "awaken" that kind of woman to be the sort I mentioned above. I think most men enjoy intelligence and quick wit in women but don't enjoy sarcasm or mean spiritedness disguised as humor. In general, men also seem to prefer women with a good sense of personal style but not too fussily dressed up types of women.

That is my perception.

Karen

PS Of course there is the country song "I like my women a little on the trashy side."

[sat567]

Personally, I like to go swimmin' with bow-legged wimmen.

Hairdog

[karen1]

Hairdog, you charmer, you.

Karen

[blackfoot]

Cine
Thank you for the following.

Just wanted to add MHO and list the qualities that make an alpha male:

1) Ability to be honest without being brutal.
2) Willing to love with all the depth of his being.
3) Gentle to lesser intellects.
4) Willing to seriously consider others POV, and if necessary integrate them into his own POV.
5) Keeps his anger in check.
6) Exercises integrity at all costs.

Does anyone know a person fitting this description? Any fictional charcters come to mind?

Chromo.
See what happens when you ask a woman for her opinion on what makes a good man?
You get all this feel good doooohicky.

I think all of the above traits are very admirable qualities and important to implement inourselves but a couple of them are directly in opposition to the attractive male attributes that trigger sexual desire in women.

So if you want a truthful logical answer, ask a question. If you want truthful emotional answer, your gonna have to generate some emotions in your wife, and monitor the results. Often that will require you fearlessly making decisions, and then seeing the actions that result. NOT the words.

1) Ability to be honest without being brutal.
Honesty is vital. In fact I see how in most R's, in some form or fashion its fear of being honest with the SO that leads to conflict avoidance, etc. We assume the SO cant handle our honesty, or dont want to deal with the power struggles or objections.
I would change the word brutal to cruel though. There is no need to be cruel, and use it to intentionally damage your SO pysche. I enjoy being butally honest. It weeds out the insecure, thinskins. It lets the OP know exactly where they stand, and gives them the most powerful demonstration of love possible. Choice. I do not regret much, but I will always regret viciously and cruelly using 'truth' to verbally abuse x.

A fictitious character that comes to mine with this trait(brutal honesty used for attraction and as a weapon) is Clive Owens character in 'CLOSER'. If your going thru an A its IMO fairly pysch accurate, but an emotionally wretched movie.

2) Willing to love with all the depth of his being.
HAHAHA! LMAO. This is sooo .... HAHAHA. I seriously doubt that HDM feel that their LDW is loving them with all the depth of her being. < Whew> That brings a tear to my eye. hahahah

A woman will love a man that deserves, requires, earns respect. A man can worship and 'love' her till the sun ceases to exist, and she wont ever feel desire for him.

3) Gentle to lesser intellects.
Hmm have to contemplate, ... Romantic love usually requires that both parties are pretty evenly matched in intellect.
ok ...done pondering

Pulling from my own life, I know that when I deal with the 'lesser intellects' of intoxicated miscreants in a most un-gentle and non-amiable manner, the affect on the females desire and attraction is extremely pronounced.
It doesen even have to be witnessed, just relayed from another trusted witness.
Kindness and philanthropy are demonstrations of Cine's statement, but they are also demonstrations of overflowing well-being, which usually leads to general sense of self confidance.

) Willing to seriously consider others POV, and if necessary integrate them into his own POV.
I beleive this is a good life policy, but in regards to sexual attraction, I completely disagree. There is nothing alpha about this. A leader goes his way. Some will choose to follow others will not. he has a destination in mind. Its only when he stops leading, and becomes uncertain that uncertainty will enter the followers and they begin to feel adrift. A leader can use soft tactics or hard tactics, but his motivation very rarely is the OP POV, it is just to ensure that he keeps everyone moving forward.

Colin Firth in 'ALEXANDER' comes to mind. He would try using soft tactis first, but when that failed he would implement hard tactics to continue on his dream.

Im trying to think of a way this is demonstrated by a fictitious character, in a sexually attractive way...


5) Keeps his anger in check

Shows his emotions congruently, doesnt try to hide or stifle them, which is a form of dishonesty and cannot be trully hidden in the closeness of a R. However his emotions do not control him and cause him to be cruelly reactive. (unattractive, cant control himself/disrespectful to OP boundaries/activates desires for revenge) They (ideally) prompt him to institute and enforce his boundaries. (attractive, strength/confidance/ outcome independant) Failure to enforce his boundaries, looks weak. Better for the R, to 'be mean' and appear attractive, then demonstrate weakness.
When I am told "Your MEAN", (with proper tonality) it makes me very happy. I know Im doing the right thing.

For example, x could call me a d!ck or an axhole, with the proper tonality it was ok, made me smile in fact. During reconciliation it got out of control during our verbal fisticuffs. I set a boundary that cursing at /namecalling was NOT allowed while fighting. Scream/yell whatever, but no destructive namecalling. She almost immediately wanted to know if that meant when we were not fighting too.
funny stuff. they always want to know where the boundary is.... an if there is any room for fun and teasing....


6) Exercises integrity at all costs.
Integrity is very ambiguous and self defined. One the positive side, a person with integrity will not allow disrespect. On the negative, survival and self preservation (fear) are the primary motives for a persons chameleon definition of integrity.

Pledging you undying love to your SO, because of your integrity to your vows, while they ceaselessly disrespect you--testing to see if you have integrity to your self respect-- will never cause them to wanna jump your bones.

Having a window into the life of Atticus Finch there were a lot of admirable traits from the directed POV.
I wonder how many women who have read the book felt -weak behind the knees hot desire-- for him though....

[Burgbud]

I think all of the above traits are very admirable qualities and important to implement inourselves but a couple of them are directly in opposition to the attractive male attributes that trigger sexual desire in women.

When I read the description I was reminded of the question Chrome likes to ask, "Yes, you would certainly love a man like that, but would you desire him?"


A woman will love a man that deserves, requires, earns respect. A man can worship and 'love' her till the sun ceases to exist, and she wont ever feel desire for him.

I had a thought along those lines the other day...you can never impress a woman by proving how much you love her. I know there are many women (Heather ) who would like nothing more than proof of their man's love, but that's not what we're talking about. It's not the "proof of love", in those cases, that's impressing the woman. There's something else that has attracted her and is causing her to desire "proof of love".


Kindness and philanthropy are demonstrations of Cine's statement, but they are also demonstrations of overflowing well-being, which usually leads to general sense of self confidance.

There are also theories that kindness is an effective survival strategy (inspiring mutual support) and philanthropy is a demonstration of fitness, in the evolutionary sense. If you accept that kindness is an effective survival strategy, then demonstrating kindness is also demonstrating evolutionary fitness.


Willing to seriously consider others POV, and if necessary integrate them into his own POV.
I beleive this is a good life policy, but in regards to sexual attraction, I completely disagree.

Perhaps there's some middle ground. I'm going to pick and choose a little from Deida:

"If a woman suggests something that changes a man's perspective, then he should make a new decision based on his new perspective. But he should never betray his own deepest knowledge and intuition in order to please his woman or "go along" with her. Both she and he will be weakened by such an action. ...

You should always listen to your woman, and then make your own decision. If you choose to go with your woman's suggestion even when deep in your heart you feel that another decision is more wise, you are, in effect, saying, "I don't trust my own wisdom." You are weakning yourself by telling yourself this. You are weakening your woman's trust in you: why should she trust your wisdom if you don't?

When you deny your deep truth to please your woman...your own sense of authenticity will burden your capacity to act with clarity. Your actions won't jibe with your core.

However, if you listen to your woman, taking everything she says into account and making your own best decision, then you are acting in accordance with your core. You are saying, in effect, "My deepest wisdom is leading me to this decision. If I am wrong, I will learn from it, and my wisdom will have deepend. I'm willing to be wrong, and grow from it. I trust this proces of acting from my deepest wisdom."

...You are open to listening to others, but in the end, you will take the responsibility for making your own decision. There is nobody else to blame."

The first part of that is what I see blackfoot saying. The last bit is what I think cine was saying. I also thought of this bit yesterday when reading OG_Lou's thread. His description of driving and getting something to eat with BB jibed very well with this concept (as long as he didn't get a bad attitude about it). She gave him driving input but he stuck politely to his guns. She didn't feel listened to but at least she learned Lou is trusting himself. Later Lou listened to her talking about pet rescue. If that didn't make her feel "listened to" then neither is driving the way she wants him to. It will only weaken him in her eyes and in his own eyes.


Exercises integrity at all costs.
Integrity is very ambiguous and self defined. One the positive side, a person with integrity will not allow disrespect. On the negative, survival and self preservation (fear) are the primary motives for a persons chameleon definition of integrity.

The man has to define his integrity for himself and the woman will respect it even if his living that integrity causes her discomfort.

[cinemanymph]

BF,
I think you got my drift about being brutally honest. Ok cruel. Semantics.

What I am referring to with the depth of being phrase is that when a man feels love for a woman, he will not hold back in fear of her or others reactions.

What kind of a woman is sexually aroused by a man who uses his intellect to make feeble minded people feel stupid? Better to use your grand IQ to illuminate the way for those with lesser intellectual capacity.

A man who is not willing to see others POV and give credence to others good ideas is just stubborn. Stubborness is not sexy.

A good leader does not continue to lead in a direction that is destructive to the people he is leading, no matter how dedicated he is to that particular path.

Keeping anger in check is akin to venting properly. Telling someone that they have made you furious, then giving the person a chance to change their couse of action is a proper way to handle anger. Thowing things and name calling is not even if that action is congurent with your feelings.

Stealing is stealing and cheating is cheating no mattter how slippery any given idividual's code may be. Having integrity means that the morally correct course of action is taken in any given situation, no matter what the consequences. It means not doing the cheaper, faster, easier, less comfortable thing.