I had this thought yesterday but didn't get to post it... I don’t think you place yourself in a mother role. I don’t think your H wants you there either, but because of his past, he naturally assumes a passive position, waiting for others to state their choice, then he can safely follow along. I think he is more focused on conflict avoidance than following his true desires.
Take your example when you don’t answer him on where to eat, he gets frustrated and you just look at him. It may seem funny to you, but I personally think you are putting him under a lot of stress when you do this. To him, it probably isn’t very funny.
If his main concern is to avoid a fight, then he NEEDS to know what you want FIRST. Then he can make a non-confrontational choice or counter offer. Without knowing your initial preference, he is now at risk for possibly creating a disagreement and he has been trained to avoid that at all costs. Disagreements seem to be very scary for him. Even if he knows as an adult that a disagreement over which fast food to go to will not be a major issue, I think he is still experiencing the same feelings of apprehension he felt as a child. So he locks up.
My question is how to relieve that anxiety, let him know there is nothing to worry about over this particular topic, and allow him the security to stick his neck out and make a decision?
