I think what is happening is that women "Desire" the bad boys, but end up marrying the good guy, the one that brings security, is a good father, provides for the family, looks after her needs. It does not pay to be the good guy. We all tend to seek security in marriage, and it is this security that actually kills the marriage. Can someone show us how to be BOTH guys?
HP, Hmm, typical female, thinks she knows what she wants, grabs it, commits to it, and then decides she doesn't like it at all and that it just won't do (just kiddin).
I think you should tell him what you said here, but do it in a loving, not criticizing way if you can. Let him know that he's the cat's meow and that you need that meow to be from a lion.
Oh, and on the food etc, don't let him put the decision on you. If he does, then pick and insist on an option you know would be unpalatable to him...maybe Hooters. I bet if you do that a few times in a row he might sit up and think twice about leaving it up to you.
"(referring to alpha male) In western cultures, the term is somewhat pejorative and describes a man who is overly masculine to the point of arrogance and cold-heartedness."
Interesting statement. Could this perjorative have arisen from the fringes of the feminist movement?
"I just wanted to have similar term/meaning behind the words alpha, beta, and omega males so we all have some common/similar understanding of the terms."
I agree. So I propose the following. If people don't want these terms because they are not true to the meaning in some way, we can switch to something else.
Alpha: "perfect" mix of confident and caring, aggressive when he needs to be, nurturing and understanding when appropriate, but avoids placating and supplicating as counter to his nature. Marked by confident leadership in most situations Beta: Overly nurturing. Sacrifices his own needs for the needs of the partner almost every time. Marked by excessive placating and supplicating behavior Omega: Overly confident and aggressive. Unyielding and overly selfish in demands that his needs or POV be dominant. Marked by aggressive, blustering behavior.
Of course there are gray areas between, or you can deconstruct an extended encounter with certain exchanges being more alpha while others are more beta or omega.
I hope this isn't coming across too clinical. I don't feel as if one should have some flowchart of alpha male behavior running through their head during marital encounters. Its just that if you see and understand enough examples of situations and the different responses, it can become natural to you to BE more "alpha" in your behavior.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I'd say it is difficult to make an definitive statements, as the authors suggest. Given that humans are borderline, it is possible that was a period of more active competition between males and thus no dominant alpha-male model as seen in apes. Correct me if I am wrong, but chimpanzees are closer evolutionary cousins to humans than gorillas. I'm not an evolutionary biologist so I could be way off here, but isn't it possible that our borderline sized testes are the slow evolutionary trend from oversized testes in the human-chimp ancestor as humans have been more dominated by the alpha male model? Of course I could see the other possibility too. Just wondering.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
"I think we need more links and information about the social side of being alpha male, like leadership and verbal interactions."
Agreed. Those interactions would be more in line with our recent biological past and could be more revealing about current driving forces in our biology.
"Most women said they wanted a man a little more dominant than she was."
Eerily similar to discussions on HD/LD and how it is relative. Could it be that many women want men that are just enough more dominant than them that the biology is satisfied, but if the difference is too great it causes problems?
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I was thinking about why the term 'alpha male' would be negative to some and my thoughts went to dogs because the term 'alpha' usually applies to a male animal. Blackfoot was the first person I ever 'met' that applied the term to a human male. I always thought than an alpha male dog is usually an uncompromising @ss and so that's where the negative connotation comes in for me.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
Your story illustrates what I think is key for alpha males, the use of humor as a response rather than acting hurt or demanding. The beta male would have just acquiesced, but then been obviously hurt by the rejection. The omega male would have ignored her request and just continued as if sexual activity was supposed to happen with or without her desire for it.
I do wonder about the follow up that evening. If you don't mind me asking, was there a follow-up Martelo? I think trying to understand how an alpha male would continue a delayed encounter could be useful too.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
"I NEED him to display more authoritative qualities..small ones like saying what you'd like to friggin eat..so that I can maintain--and even build upon--my feelings of love and desire for him."
Had to say my jaw dropped a bit on this one. A few months ago BF encouraged me to start insisting on what I want for the dinner menu in my household. Scary, huh? I think your use of the word 'authoritative' is illustrative. An authority figure can be one you can trust to be in control when needed. Is that one of the things that creates desire for you?
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Maybe so. But I think a better way to phrase it is to take the best parts of both good guys and bad guys. I certainly don't want to adopt overly-selfish behavior common in "bad guys."
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Makes sense Heather. I like the use of the word uncompromising. Perhaps an alpha male would be uncompromising on certain issues, but not on others, while the beta male is predominantly compromising, and the omega male is pretty-much always uncompromising. That is to say the alpha male is open to good argument/discussion, while the beta bends for no good reason and the omega never bends. Maybe?
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
(just kiddin).