You know, I woke up thinking about this very thing.

My H has always wanted to follow me, for me to lead him.
This is not necessarily his fault as I obviously chose him, in part, for this trait. I must have thought at the time that this was what I wanted.

So the dynamic in our home would go something like this: I'd 'lead', he'd follow until he had enough and then he'd finally put me in my place with anger--mostly criticizing words but there were times when he'd sorta shove me around, trying to make his point. (he is NOT, I repeat, NOT an abusive man but this was a part of the first 5 yrs or so of our marriage and I feel compelled to include it)

So then I really jumped into the leading position and somehow positioned myself as the R expert of the marriage and expected him to defer to me. Man, was I in for a shock. He could hold his own just fine, and did. That earned some major respect points from me, missing up until that juncture.
So now I am in a position where I'd love for him to be a little stronger and more of a leader and I'm stuck with.....the same old guy I married. Not a natural born leader. In fact, he avoids being in charge with everything he's got--even with simple tasks such as "Do you want Subway or Burger King for lunch?" He will hem and haw until he finally stammers and stutters that he can't make the choice and would I please make it. It drives me insane. It isn't just me either; his friends used to make fun of him for not being able to cough up an opinion on anything.

Anyway, it came to my attention this morning that my M is very much adrift at sea these days. I am not 'leading', he is not leading, we are drifting. I'm not sure what to do about it. One thing is for sure and that is: I am not going to DO anything about it because my leading days are done. I encourage him to lead as much as I can--I have not emotionally checked out of the M, I'm just not *so* emotionally charged up over it that I'm willing to go against what feels natural in order to control things.

Any ideas on how to proceed? Blackfoot?

I'll tell you what I'd like to do, being the Pro-confrontational person that I am: Sit him down and explain to him that his waffling, and constant (and I mean constant) deference to me weakens him in my eyes and I NEED him to display more authoritative qualities..small ones like saying what you'd like to friggin eat..so that I can maintain--and even build upon--my feelings of love and desire for him.