I won't be able to answer the question the way you want because we didn't lose contact during the separation or after the divorce. We still did things together the whole year. We talked, etc. The groundwork was laid in the beginning, before the separation, that we could interact in an amicable way. My turnaround occurred after the R she was in came to an end and only then could she look at me as a possibility.
I did occasionally slip up and have R talks about trying again and there was a time or two we had through the clothes sex, but I do not believe that those things actually helped in reconciling. I truly believe that it is about decisions. There either comes a time that the WAS sees life with you as a possibility or their doesn't. The things you say to them probably don't influence the decision that much, and if the words do, it's probably more a negative influence than anything.
My stance is that you need to focus on yourself. Be an attractive catch for any woman, including your W/XW. Starting again has to be an informed decision for both of you. Get happy with your life and whatever happens happens. My main suggestion is that you at least be friendly, try to be friends still, and have a groundwork for a future R.
Me
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
