The first thing you have to realize is that there is nothing you can do about anything HE does, including his drinking.
Just as with all the other issues we discuss here, the only one you can work on is you.
He is addicted to alcohol; you are addicted, too-- to the alcoholic.
Start browsing around this site: www.soberrecovery.com. Read the articles. Attend alanon meetings. Start dealing with YOUR issues.
It was so hard for me to grok this. It is maddening, infuriating, hurtful, frustrating-- but you CANNOT make him stop drinking, care whether his drinking bothers you, change his behavior, get into recovery-- none of it!
It's too big a subject to tackle here... go to that site and start reading. There are message boards there. Go to "friends and family of alcoholics." Read some of the stickies.
You've GOT to save yourself. You cannot save him. IF you radically change the way you relate to him, it may get his attention. If you stop making excuses, sticking around and trying to reason with him, getting mad about his dysfunctional behavior, IOW do a total 180 on his drinking-- not for the purpose of making him change, but for the purpose of saving your sanity-- you might see some changes in him. You might not.
In any case, ask yourself, do you want to be right here a year from now? Two years? Ten? Twenty? FORTY?
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Edited to add:
Get this: as long as you argue with him about drinking, or even converse with him about it, then in his eyes, YOU are the problem. How many times has he said, "My drinking wouldn't be a problem if you'd just get off my back about it!" Well, then GET off his back about it. Then it WILL be his problem. Let him see and feel the consequences of his drinking. When you get between him and the booze, he can't see that the bottle is his enemy. He thinks you are the enemy and treats you accordingly.
