Oh sh!t

[haphazard]

Thanks for the movie suggestions I will check them out.

You are right of course Lil H giving up booze is not a cure-all for sure.

Anyhoo we had our first C session last night, and I will attempt to unpack it here.

It was a brief session as I got stuck in traffic and arrived late.

H says he feels no desire for me and that is the problem with our sex life. At least we have that out in the open now and I no longer need to worry about his remarks that it is my fault for not “putting out”. Of course it is (in his eyes) my fault for being so horrible that he no longer desires me.

H talked about the pre-children years. It was clear from this that he regards them as “halcyon days”. I don’t see them that way which I will raise in a future C session. It is starting to make me think (even more than I already was) that H is shallower and more materialistic than I am. He was happy in a setup where he worked, he rested, he played, he had nice stuff. Before the kids he worked hard, socialised with his workmates, came home to a house which was more or less run by me (even though I worked), didn’t have to concern himself about being a breadwinner as I earned initially more than him and later he caught up level but there was no-one to spend it on but ourselves. We had a Miata and later a Lotus Elise, we went on nice holidays, he had as much sex as he wanted (because I wanted more than he did – but it wasn’t really an issue). He was in clover.

From my point of view this life was shallow, it had no meaning. From my point of view I lived with someone who didn’t spend a lot of time with me, wasn’t interested in talking to me, wanted sex less often than me and left me to run the household so he could concentrate on his career.


The alcohol issue was also raised. The C told H that it would not be helpful if he drank alcohol prior to the C session as he would not be accessible. I agreed that this was a problem currently and that the problem with talking to H when he has been drinking (100% of the time we are together) is that I am talking to a drunk person. H’s response was that he’s being asked to change to fit in with MY lifestyle.

C mirrored for him the feeling that he is under attack and that it’s all his fault and if he would just stop drinking and smoking everything would be fine.

After the session we drove home. We didn’t talk about the session. I suggested we went out for a bite to eat rather than straight home but H was leery of the idea. After pressing him it came out that he was worried about unpacking the session so I just said there was no need to do that and we could just go and eat and talk about other stuff. Which is what we did.

A big penny dropped for me when I thought about this. It feels like he is AFRAID of me. That would fit with the lack of desire – I’m too scary for him.

Fran