Quote: In "recovery", without the blunting effects of the drugs, his mental health issues have become ever more apparent.
This is a very good point. I used to think that if he would just stop drinking, everything would be fine. NOT. The addict still has the addict personality even when they're sober, UNLESS they're in therapy or some kind of recovery program to help them deal with all the now un-masked issues. The addiction is a way of dealing with pain; it's not a separate bad habit. When they stop drinking and drugging, the pain really comes to the surface and they need to deal with it.
You know, in movies about alcoholism, the picture usually shows the alcoholic's crap life and then the movie ends with violins in the background as the alcoholic walks through the doors of his/her first AA meeting, "Hello, my name is ___, and I'm an alcoholic." Cue the credits, bring up the lights, leave the theater in a rosy glow.
What the movie doesn't show is that this is where the REALLY hard work begins. Every single day, every minute, that person is still in as much pain as they were when they were putting away a fifth of Scotch or a 12-pack of beer every day, but now there's nothing to deaden the pain.
You don't drink or drug like an addict unless you are REALLY, REALLY hurting A LOT. Self-hatred, feelings of failure, hopelessness, covered up by grandiosity, arrogance, anger, putting up walls, "if you knew the real me, you'd hate me"-- it's not a pretty picture.
Have you gone to alanon yet, Fran? (I can't remember.) I believe you will find some relief there, even if you never say a word out loud. Those people truly know what you're going through. When I used to go, I felt buoyed up on an ocean of love, even though I was always silent.
