Fran, I am new here, but wanted to address the alcohol issue. This is so familiar to me.
My DH quit drinking 6 years ago, and the change is amazing. His behavior was VERY similar to your DH's. It took a medical emergency to get him to quit. We were in counseling individually and together before that episode, and I wish I had been more forthright about his drinking earlier in our individual sessions. I would strongly suggest you make that known, either in an individual session or privately to the counselor, before beginning. This would keep the counselor properly informed, which I think is important in such a situation. While your DH will need a point of reckoning (I think AA calls it "hitting bottom") in order to stop drinking, I think right now it might be more important to start the sessions without what might be interpreted as an ambush - not that you'd mean it that way, but people who drink can take ANYTHING the wrong way, AND blow it way out of proportion.
When DH threw his back out the other week, he started exhibiting that behavior again, though in lesser quantity. I told him I was afraid we were headed to the dark place of our relationship again, and thankfully he understood and changed course.
Good luck. Living with someone who drinks too much is very, very hard. But they can stop, and life can get better, though it is a tough road.
