I do get your point, really. My bf and I have started going to his therapist, and the thing I told the guy I wanted to work on is that each of us (my bf and I) feel attacked by the other.
I've been reading the Course in Miracles a lot lately and one of its tenets is that to achieve peace you have to let go of "attack thoughts," which means thoughts where you attack someone else AND thoughts where you think they are attacking you. (I realize "attack" is a strong word, possibly too strong.)
I was about to write, "I guess if it's clear you're being attacked, like with a gun or something, then this doesn't apply. It only applies if you're not sure whether you're being attacked," but I'm NOT going to write that (you know what I mean...) because I'm remembering a big argument BF and I had last week where I said something that TO ME was perfectly and purely descriptive and didn't have one molecule of malice in it, and he accused me repeatedly of (metaphorically) "waving a gun at him." This was SO FAR from my experience of my side of it and so far from my intention and I went completely blank and didn't know how to react or what to say. Clearly, he wasn't lying...
I don't know what to do in a situation like that. Was I abusing him? Is he abusing me by accusing me of "attacking" him when to me I clearly was not.
What I want is to be in a situation where this sort of question doesn't come up except possibly rarely, let alone appear on the docket every day. Frankly it did NOT come up in any of my past R's the way it has in this one. Growth or regression? [We really need a roll-eyes emoticon.]
