I’d like to say a word of caution about these types of sites (or books) that rate abusers. I believe there are women who are truly clueless that they are in an abusive relationship and need some serious awareness. Sometimes they need to be hit over the head with a 2x4 to get the message. I don’t know if Fran is one of these, but she certainly doesn’t seem like it.
There are other women, like my wife, who would just love to believe they are abused. These sites give them all the ammunition they need to believe this. They will read as much as they can into every little word, every action to see if it is somehow abusive. Lots of these “surveys” can be so broad as to include almost everyone at some point in his/her life. I think they are only capitalizing on fear mongering. Some are legitimate and reasonable, some are not.
The other problem I see is that by branding the male the abuser, the woman is off the hook for any of her actions, because almost anything IS justified to protect oneself against abuse. This puts the man into a no-win situation and can really increase his sense of frustration, especially if he has some legitimate complaints about his wife. The power struggle has tilted against him. She suddenly has the support of “experts” and nothing he says can help his case. The only thing he can do is to succumb and submit to her control. And that will build a mighty load of resentment. BTDT!!!
