Kudos to you for recognizing this pattern in yourself....NOW you can do something about it, YOU can break that cycle. YOU remember what it was like to be that child and not have your mother stick up for you, so now you can be that hero for your children. That must have been a really hard thing for you to see within yourself...but now you have, NOW you can break that cycle.
Due to my history as a child...I had a tendancy to also not stand up to people, up until oh....at least my early 30's. My father had a tendancy to take out his stress and anger on me because I was the first person he'd see each day. He'd yell and scream at me if for some reason I didn't have one of my chores done (really overreacted)....to the point that I too would flinch (really appropriate description) whenever he'd make a loud noise of any type (sneezing etc). My mother never intervened...at least not in front of me. I know now that she did talk to him privately, but she never stood up for me while it was happening.
My H and I have actually had a conversation about just this very thing. I've explained that normally I will not contradict him with our S if he is disciplining him for something, and will support him with a united front.....UNLESS, I feel he's #1 punishing our son for something he doesn't deserve, or #2 his punishment is way out of line. By that I mean, if I feel he is out of control with his actions (as I felt my father often was with his screaming at me) In those cases I will do whatever I need to do in order to defend my son.
It's so important for our children to know that we are not only their loving parents and disciplinarians...but we are their champions too.
Out of curiosity, do you think you could sit down and talk to your H about the kids reactions to his outbursts? Or have you already tried that?
