Something I noticed out of your convo is that....he seemed to be looking for some validation from you that he had done something nice, giving...unselfish perhaps over the last week (staying home and watching the pets while you and the kids went on holiday)....then watching the kids so you could somewhat recoup after the holiday.....and well, you withheld that "thank you" or "attaboy". I got the impression he felt that as a slap in the face.
I know you feel like you've sympathized for years with him, and I'm sure you have. Seems to me though (and this is just my opinion) that you grouped all those years into one instance. One instance, where it appears to me...there was a genuine misunderstanding....at least, that's how I read it. The misunderstanding is a classic one between the sexes too. I know you suggested to him "lets swap nights", but I can tell you that in the past with my H...I could say the exact same thing, and he would just take it as an idea...a thought, not as a confirmation that it would happen.
I guess I just get the feeling from that convo that your H is feeling slighted by you. That...he made this magnanamous gesture in taking care of things while you and the kids had fun, and then taking care of you by watching the kids while you recouped.....and then he got in trouble for going out and having a bit of fun for himself.
I'm not even looking at the other comments of "I'm tired, and we need to split the chores etc..." I'm looking at the flat-out pleas for validation he's sending to you. We all know what it feels like to crave validation...and not receive it, that in itself can escalate situations (without the alcohol.)
Why during that conversation did you not say....thank you to him once? I mean...he even stated at one point "you don't ever recognize how hard he works"...I know you feel he does that for his own egotistical reasons, but what if....just what if, he's looking for validation from you too....that he works hard for the family as well?
I don't mean this to be harsh Fran, but in this instance....I see his point. You were unbending...when he was flat-out telling you that he needed validation. Why?
Oh and I definitely agree with Cine too...having a convo like this with someone who has been drinking....is not a good idea. It will escalate, it will not go in a good direction.
