Quote: GH – I’m slowly getting into trying to voice out my thoughts. This is what my C suggested we work on, for me to be able to communicate to my W what I’m feeling.
My C too...and all of you. Just realize that the hardest part may be learning that HER reaction to what you FEEL is not important and you anticipation/prediction/fear about what it may be should NOT be a motivating factor in your keeping it in, OR expressing it.
This is REALLY hard for me because I have lived my life with my W constantly guarding against upsetting her by telling her my feelings. I would feel personally attacked if she got angry at me for feeling a certain way (and yes, she often DOES get angry when I express myself if it is not what she wants to hear) and then get defensive. This would often lead to an argument and me feeling like I should have just kept my mouth shut.
The trick here is to really pay attention to how you communicate and make sure what you are really doing is expressing YOUR feelings rather than placing blame on her for something, or trying to tell her how she should feel.
I think for me, this is key because I often go back and realize that many times when I thought I had expressed my feelings, I had really just attacked her about something.
I REALLY need to work on this as well so don't feel bad. It's hard for most of us but you do get better with practice.
