She did not wear her ring today, or forgot it because she was running late?
And the story goes…
The last time I posted here was before my C session. That went ok, initial introduction and fact-finding talk with the C, went only by myself. The session ended right before lunch. It turns out W was emailing me at work with her plans for lunch, what she’s going to get and where. We ended meeting at the burger place about 10 minutes from my C session, which kind of surprised her because my work was a good 25 minutes away. I gave in and told her that I was in C session, she was kind of surprised and looked happy about it and asked me “how I was feeling”. She did make a comment about “patient doctor relationship” with a grin. The rest of the week went fine, did the usual family stuff, went to the mall during the weekend, to a party on Saturday, good lazy Sunday, great Monday morning start which leads us to Monday night, where my roller coaster uphill climb begins…
Last night the monsoon hit our general area, blowing dust, rain, thunder and lighting. We watched through the windows and after it calmed down we watched the baseball game on TV, cuddled with W, then she asked me to massage her legs. W also brought up something that caught me by surprise; she asked “So when is your next session this week?” She then corrected herself, “Oh that’s not til next week huh?” I replied “Yeah, on the 31st, too bad I couldn’t get an 11AM appointment, I ended up on the 10AM slot.” Maybe she’ll show up at the C session… hoping.
It was fun until she got up and said she was going to the bathroom, I say OK then just continued to watch TV for the next hour, I guessed she was on the computer emailing or IM’ing OM so I just gave up on her coming back to continue watching with me. After 2 hours, I had enough of watching by myself and got up and went to the bedroom to try and get some sleep. She followed about 40 minutes later and when she laid down whispered “are you asleep”, of course I wasn’t. I replied to let her know I’m still awake. We laid there for a while then she said “go to sleep, I can hear you thinking”. A few minutes later then she asked what in mind. It took me a few seconds to actually say something, this is one of the things she did not like about our relationship, me not being able to voice out what I’m feeling and just keeping it to myself. I told her I was thinking about us… our situation and that I’m really confused about what I’m seeing, feeling and what she’s doing. W asked if I was sad/mad, I said, I’m more disappointed right now. She asked “disappointed about me?” Again, I think I sent the wrong message again, I was disappointed that she ditched me when we were watching not disappointed totally about her. She turned her back on me and I could tell she was crying. I tried to rub her back a little but I did not get any reaction so I stopped.
In the morning, she got up at her usual time, and got on the computer, emailing or just reading I don’t know but she did. She did her morning routine as usual and a few minutes later laid down beside me like she usually does in the morning. I told her good morning and she did the same to me. I asked how she slept; she said “ok I guess”. She asked me how I slept, and I said “not too good”. She replied with “I understand”. I asked if she wanted me to prepare her breakfast like I do most mornings, she declined and thanked me. I asked her again after she got out of the shower and she said she’s ok. I’m probably reading too much into the situation, I try not to mind read. She’s probably a little mad at me or she just wanted me to get more sleep, but who can get any more sleep after that.
I heard her deactivate the house alarm and go out the front door. No goodbye kiss or anything, and when I got up to go get my coffee, her wedding ring was beside the computer where I would see it. I noticed she was about 5 minutes late leaving and my mind is just begging me to think that she was just in a rush and forgot it.
I’m feeling so down right now, I’m even up to the point of conditioning myself to brace for the worst and maybe be ready for something, another big bomb. Is this something small that I’m blowing into a big thing by analyzing and reanalyzing it?
