My husband is having an affair! I asked the Lord to show me what was going on at my house while I was at work. The same day this what I came home to.Last year I caught him. He was in the bed with her and her child and she was pregnant at the time. He told me a bunch of out rageous lies about why she was there. I slept on the couch for 3 days. After that he did apologized in/out of those days but he still denies everydoing any thing. When i came home he wasnt having sex with her it was "just" that they were all asleep. In underwear and t'shirts. Since then he has brought her clothes or thier baby clothes to our house to wash them I never actually saw the clothes but it was the way he was acting when I came home. He told me that he was washing his clothes and I believe in the Holy Spirit told me that look at his clothes the pile looks the same. I have found layaway reciepts with baby clothes in the layaway his name on it but he says that he just took this same person to the store and she had no id. The Lord has showed me in a dream that the baby was his. He has gotten her a cell phone. she calls my house when iam at work. she calls his cell phone and he steps out of the room to speak to her. she know that he is married and we live together. I think that the baby is his he denies that too. I ask him for his voicemail pass word he told me no and said that if he gave it to me he would have to change it. I cant get to working on my marriage because he wants me to say and ignore his on going affair! I dont want to badger him but b/c he used to hit me. It happen 8 years ago but the fear is just the same. I dont know if I should say/pray or go? He has cheated out of the almost 20 years we have been together I would say off and on all of them! He has gotten two different women pregnant while we were dating! It sound absurd I guess I just have low self esteem! any suggestions?
I 've ask him to go counseling he says that there is nothing wrong with his marriage. I have gone for myself ultimately counselor said that it was up to me. Thanks for your time.
Maybe there is nothing wrong with his marriage, but what about yours? The lord saw fit to show you the circumstances of your marriage, it may well be that he will guide you to a competent counselor. Best of luck and keep us posted.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
This is going to sound mean, and I don't mean to be cruel but....honey, he's treating you the way you allow him to treat you. He's cheated, you've stayed...he's had a child by two other women, you've stayed...he's brought someone else into your home (into your bed) more than once, you've stayed...he's beaten you, you've stayed. Of course there's nothing wrong with the M from his perspective, he's getting absolutely everything he wants....but he's not treating you respectfully in this M.
He's repeatedly cheated...and you are still there....so, what have been the consequences of him cheating and fathering children by other women?
Hon, I'm so not surprised you have self-esteem issues. This man is presenting you with a crap-sandwich and expecting you to like it. The thing is though, you're eating it. You may not like it, but you are eating it. You know he's treating you badly and deep down...you know you deserve much better than this (even if yo udoubt it there's a part of you telling you that you deserve better)...therefore your self-esteem starts taking a nosedive...especially after 20 years of this treatment.
In many ways you aren't treating yourself very respectfully either, you aren't expecting better treatment for YOURSELF...much less demanding better from the man who is supposed to cherish you above no other....and you do deserve to be treated so much better!
One thing I suggest to get your self-esteem back....is to do something for YOU and remove yourself from this situation ASAP. Sometimes it takes drastic measures for someone to snap out of it so-to-speak. You leaving, will show him you aren't going to tolerate this any longer....and it will give you the space/time to rebuild the wonderful woman within you. Sign up for some classes that interest you, get a job of some sort (if you don't already have one)....join clubs that interest you. But remove yourself from that situation and go to IC. Find yourself a really good IC that will help you figure out why you would stay in this situation and help you rediscover your strength.
I have this very strong suspicion that if you can give yourself time/distance from him...even you are going to wonder why you've dealt with this for so long....and you are going to feel sooooo much better...mentally & physically.
I know that's probably not what you are wanting to hear. I would love to say that you can work on this without him...but this is an instance where I don't see that happening. Not unless you can be happy in a M where it's not just the two of you.
Many towns have battered women's help. My town has a YWCA program that helps women like you.
When I injured my back and couldn't work, my W and I went to the YWCA for employment counseling. I felt like a fish out of water, going to a "Women's Organization" It must have taken me 6 trips there before I felt comfortable enough to where I felt entitled to their services.
danadane, your man is a creep in my opinion. Don't look for him to be your champion ever. In my opinion, He won't change until you leave him.
hello GEL Thank you for your honestly. WHat is a IC? Let me tell you a little about we have three children and I work and go to school. I do need to leave but I really dont have anywhere to go. I have family but they dont have any room for me and my three. I am going to either ask him to leave or find me another place of my own. I have allow him to mistreat me for so long that I am used to it and i dont even cry about it anymore. I feel like I am numb and I do want to get out of it. But I have to stop bieng so lonely and finally just do it. In the past I have been upset for a little while the longest 1month. Out of loneliness I feel insecure. I it sounds pitfull especially when I write it and read it back to myself. I havent told my family b/c I am so embrassed but I know if I told them they would help me I guess I am just trying to get my own self together? Thanks for you advice GEL, LC and all the other who responded back.
There hasnt been and consequences. It goes like this I find out I am angry he begs I take him back! This may last max.... about a month. That it! Crazy HUH? I am doing this to myself by allowing him to treat me this way. You werent being cruel at all. It not the first time that I have heard this! I just didnt take heed. Thanks Gel
First thing for you to do, tell your family. Let them help you. You have done NOTHING to be ashamed of, yet I know all too well...that feeling of shame you are experiencing. Just remember you have nothing to be ashamed of, your H on the other hand...has TONS to be ashamed of.
It will take courage for you to tell your family what's going on, but I'm confident...they won't want you to live this way, they will want to help you. Another avenue for you to look at are your local churche's and United Way agencies. The United Way (just look them up in your local phone book) can give you guidance...for programs that can help you find a place to live if you need to, help get you employment if you need....and counseling (by the way IC is individual counselor).
The toughest part of this is going to be for you to screw up the courage to start that ball in motion to get out of this situation. You can do this though, I know you can. Remember this isn't just for you, you have three children to think of as well....and you don't want them learning that the way their father behaves in this marriage is what is acceptable behavior within a marriage right?
Tell you what, if you need some additional support feel free to e-mail me anitam@nordam.com I'll be happy to lend that moral support for you when you need it.
