Hey Everyone
Hope you are all well.

Ive had to change all my plans again. My Dad had a heart attack, he,s home and recovering now, but it made me realise it would be selfish of me to move away from here at the moment and leave Mum, much as I need a fresh start. At least this way Im only across the street from her if they need me. He is doing well though.

Im not feeling too bad about losing my house now, Ive totally accepted it, and although I was gutted about it being sold, Ive realised that its only bricks and mortar and there are more important things. The sale has gone through, its just a matter of paperwork now, and I know I,ll be sad when I finally see other people moving into it, but thats life, I,ll get over it. So, although Ive said many times how I hate it here, Im going to just make the best of it, get this house into shape using the money from the sale, and put in a new kitchen and bathroom, etc etc.

It might seem crazy to spend a lot of money on a rented property, but I have a tenancy for life here, so its secure, and at least when things go wrong with the boiler or the heating etc, the landlord will have to pay to put it right.

If I,d used the money from the Divorce settlement to buy a place, it wouldve taken all the money I had, plus I would have to take out a mortgage, I wouldve been struggling financially for the next 20 years. And for what? To say "I own a house"? It wouldve possibly been a huge burden on my shoulders, I may not have been able to keep up with payments and couldve lost the house anyway, so I think, security wise, its best to stay here and use my money to adapt this place. At least Chipdick wont be living across the street, so it will only get better.

I have 2 gardeners in at the moment, they are sorting out my garden and its looking really nice, but its a big project and theyve already been here 3 weeks, and are only half way through it, so the house is a real mess at the moment. One of them asked me out and much as I like him, I just couldnt do it. Im not interested in anyone in that way, and the way I feel at the moment, I dont think I ever will be, I actually like being on my own, and I realised the other day how happy I feel at the moment

I rarely go out, but Im happy staying in and doing my own thing every evening, Im so busy in the daytime that all I want to do is just relax at night. I did go to a Halloween Fancy Dress the other evening, and had a laugh, but I was glad to get home, am I turning into a recluse?

I was dressed as Morticia Addams, and had a long black wig on, when I leaned forward a little too much to catch what someone was saying to me over the loud music, the wig touched a candle on the table and sizzled into a big melted blob on one side Kind of ruined the look but I had a good time.

The next morning I had a huge hangover, and had to drive to collect 2 dogs 25 miles apart, then drive them both to the Rescue pound. Things were ok when I picked up the first dog, but when I collected the 2nd, it all went a bit wrong. The hand-over driver told me the dog was fine with other dogs, so stupid me (not thinking straight due to hangover-head) put the dog into the back of the car, in the crate, with the other dog. 4 minutes into the journey they had a fight as I was driving, I had to screech to the side of the road, jump out and stop them, by this time one was bleeding from a mouth wound and the other had a torn ear as I tried to seperate them, I got bitten on the forearm and ended up having to have a stitch put in and a tetnus jab at the hospital. I was so angry with myself for being so careless It ended up costing me �146 in vets bills, cos it was totally my fault and I couldnt let the Rescue pay, although they wanted to. That,ll teach me to transport strange dogs while ill with a hangover, Ive learned my lesson

On the subject of dogs, Chipdick is still the same numpty he,s always been The stalking has stopped, which Im thankfull for, but I still get the "poor me" speech, when I can be bothered to listen to it. I havnt actually seem him face to face though, he,s keeping his distance since the last encounter and the Police etc, Im hoping this isnt the calm before the storm though, it seems to go that way, a few weeks of quiet then all-out-war. He hasnt contacted any of our girls, and the way they feel about him now, it doesnt seem to matter to them, theyve lost all respect for him, he,s treated them as if they dont exsist, and none of them mention him very much at all anymore. Its sad, but thats all his own doing. What a lot he,s lost

Sometimes I feel so sorry for him, he is so miserable, messed up so much, that I feel almost guilty that Im feeling so at peace about things, but then I think back to some of the nastier things he,s done to me, and ask myself "Did he feel guilty, did he feel sorry for me when he was mooring his little boat in another Womans dock?.." Hell no. Then I dont feel so bad for him

So, thats all folks, no major update, nothing very interesting, no drama, .....watch this space though, Im sure this tranquility wont last

love to you all.
mea. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My ex-Husband bought me a mood ring so he could monitor my moods. When Im in a good mood it turns green. When Im in a bad mood it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time the B****** will buy me a diamond.