Time flies! Ok, back again with some JOURNALING updates.
Let's see... lots lots lots as usual. I didn't have the strength to blog for the longest time.
BIG NEWS! No more restraining order! A&B charges taken "under advisement", meaning I go to "anger" class and in a year it all goes away. That's good!! Too bad restraining order was in place at Christmas and New Year's. Oh well... got to see S7 at my M&D's house.
NEWS: I made a few major mistakes (?) and am learning from them. No doubt!
* 1) On Sun. Dec, 17. I went to an open house at my (new) minister's house. We did food and then out for Christmas carolling. It was a nice diversion. While carolling, I started talking to one of the people there, a lady about my age. I was still in the "spill my emotional guts" to anyone who'll listen stage. (Trying to get over that!). She listened, explained she had been divorced for 5 years. We talked and talked. I didn't persue, she came to me later and we sat on the back porch and talked. Real connection. She made a point of touching my arm several times. Lots of eye contact. We were the last to leave. We're in the parking lot still talking and she suggests we swap cell phone numbers. We do. I wait a few days and call her. We set up a "date" for drinks. One thing led to another and I end up at her place for the night! Really nice. Wow!
Anyway, to make a long story short, we saw each other a few more times, I started to have some strong feelings for her, but she didn't feel right about it. I hadn't sorted out my feelings with wife yet. I think she felt it was way too soon for me to start anything serious. "Let's be friends". I know she's right. But it still hurt. I was high on having someone notice me as a man again! I even told her, I didn't want her to be "the rebound affair", but too little too late. Also, we live fairly close now, but I will likely move closer to XHome to be closer to S7. So now I've got that "break-up" to deal with too... I wake up @ 4 am thinking about her sometimes. But I don't feel nearly as sad about the X now! So who knows... maybe I've got my "rebound" out of the way and can move on. ??
* 2) My S7 saw me drop my wedding band into the jewelry recycle bag at church. I took it off several weeks ago, and didn't know what to do with it. My friends said pawn it, throw it away. I felt it meant more than that, even if I did get dumped. I had it on my keychain for several weeks, but it just felt like a boat anchor. So this program at church recycles the metal, makes new jewelry, and the church gets the proceeds. I thought win-win. Well... S7 sees me drop the ring in the donation bag. He thought because we were "just" separated that we might get back together. He was pretty sad and cried. Me too. This was not an easy thing to do for me, much less have to explain to my S7 what was going on. I guess in a way it was good that it forced me to explain to him that I really tried to keep things together. That I didn't want it this way and was doing my best. I didn't want to X bash either so I let that go. But I also let him know I didn't think we would be together again. I guess it's that finality that hurt his feelings. Mine too Cwap.
I told him I loved him always. That none of this was his fault. That I would always be his Dad. That his Mom loves him. That we will always be his parents, no matter what happens. All very hard, but I think we're bonding more than ever because of all this. I have him for the whole weekend starting tonight, so that should be interesting and fun!
Let's see... what else. Going to the X's to get furniture tommorow. Hopefully that will go OK. My Mom and sister are chiming in on "You're being too nice to her" "She's getting ALL THE STUFF" even though I am trying to be as fair as possible. We have gone through each room and have divied up everything as best we could. Not perfect I'm sure... but as good as can be expected. No fights. No arguments.
Separation agreement is getting close to the final working stage. Things are going fast.
Well.. that's about it for now. Hopefully be here again soon.
Cwap.
