Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends!

OK long time no see... hmmm. let's see here. Since last I was here plenty has happened, of course. I took off from work on Thurs and Fri, last week, and Tues (after Labor day) this week. We had originally planned on taking the whole week off, but W couldn't decide til last minute what to do. Anyway I got a little much needed R&R.

Friday was tropical storm Ernesto. That knocked out power and cable modem for most of the day. I still managed to go to the open house at S7's elementary school and meet the new 2nd gr. teacher.

S7 again was at Gmamma's for a little bit so they could go to the amusement park and swim etc for the last time of the summer. So it was just W & I. Since the power was out (I did get the generator going for the fridges and freezer tho) I said let's go out to eat. There's a new UNO's grill near us
so we went there, the 45 min wait was too much. So W quickly says "What about waffle house?" Now this IS close, but normally she hates little greasy spoons like this, so it was a little odd. My gut/psychic sense tells me, this is a spot her and OM had been to, they can both hang out and smoke.??? Just a glimmer, but a gut feeling none the less. Anyway, all goes well. We then go shop for a few groceries together. First time we've done that in a long time!

On Sat, W goes for usual walk. S7 comes home early afternoon. We actually go to my boss' house for dinner (my W's girl friend and myspace buddy is boss' W) so it all went pretty well. Almost normal??! The "boys" said no myspace during the party tho and the girls did very good. It was nice not having the W drinking, but now she's smoking like a fish... yeesh. The girls did make a bunch of funny pictures and emailed them home. All kewl. Well the next day the pics show up on W's myspace, but I notice there are none at all of me. Oh well...

So, Sunday I went to a new church that was awesome. Apparently part of W's reason for ducking church was she didn't like some of the sometimes subtle, fundamentalist bashing of gays, buddhists etc etc, which our Baptist minister from NC seems to do without really thinking about it. I mean I have a "friends of Tibet" license plate and Sierra club stickers on my car, so conservative I ain't really.

W and I always agreed that this is not really what we want in a church, and had talked a while back about going to another church to try it out. It it never gelled. I was/am? involved with the church praise band and orchestra and it's hard to just stop. So anyway I decided to go to a Unity church. I offered to W if she wanted to go, but nope... So I went by myself and it was awesome! Very spiritual and non judgemental. The music was great and the message was right on target. Joyce, the minister, talked about healing and inner power to heal yourself. They did a little silent meditation during the service and it was really nice. I felt very good after that! I met a lot of cool people too and will probably go back this week too. They have a 2 acre meditation garden there that really is nice too.

Monday, I drive w/ S7 to the mountains for the day. Good times! Tuesday W worked, first day of school for S7. I have the day off! Nice. I worked around the house cleaning etc, and went to my friends house to help prepare the massive (1500 lbs) of BBQ for my Lodge's fundraiser. This was a good release and first time I had done anything "non family" in a while.

During this time (last Thurs?) the massive cell phone bill became available online. We normally never go over our shared minutes and the tab is like $70, this bill was $309. I sat for several hours going over it and comparing dates and times with my journals here and my calendar I have been jotting notes in. Scary stuff kids. Major patterns with OM and W calling and texting when I leave the house, her breaks/Lunchs, several times after I turned in early (in the bed! no more chair sleeping. 180 for me! yeah!) I discover another guy in there she called 7 or 8 times. Once at 2:30 am, One call was over an hour long. (just friends, she met him at a bar when out w/ her girlfriends one night) AGGHHH.

I didn't bring any of this up until our MC session on Wed 09/06. There were 2 calls to a hotel near her work on the Sunday she left S7 w/ me at church and went to work. So it was pretty scary and depressing and all that, but at least I had something a little concrete to base my actions on.

At the MC session I brought all this up and was really trying to get a "break thru" as far as OM and whether she is committed to quitting the "single girl" behavior and trying to work on our M.

The MC really didn't go into the OM / A / EA stuff but so much. I think he sees how clammed up she is about it and is saying we need to "move on" and let the "past be the past". That's a hell of a lot easier said than done.

So last night (not leaving the past 100% I guess I have the print out of all the calls and the calendar showing how I was either sleeping, at work, at church or lodge during MOST of these TXT and calls. I sat very calmly at the kitchen table and waited for her to come by to talk. Well this of course turns into an emotional talk after a while. I feel like I am being as honest as I can, and actully talking about the BIG issues that I have. I am trying to show her that I am telling her all my "secrets" Here is waht I see and what I think is going on. I am basically trying to set some boundaries that I can't (and the M can't) tolerate this kind of behavior and she needs to stop. Period. We'll see if this backfires or lets her know I can't deal with the deceit and cheating behavior.

A little later, outside on our garden bench, I mention the OM's parents (my friends) and how we really need to all get together and talk all this through. I even said "the 5 of us" meaning OM too! I said if we could just get everything aired out, we could work through this. She is not liking this at all! "We can't go over there it's 9:30!" some other lame excuses... Well I smell blood I guess and I am pressing it a bit. I go in the house and call them, They weren't home, but W is losing it. So I feel like were getting close to the truth and she is starting to panic. I dunno. It's all so damn weird. I talked to OM's Dad and told him all this. He doesn't think she could bring herself to come... ??

The MC did agree that for us to move on and for me to gain any trust at all, she needs to be transparent on EVERYTHING. She is still in this denial or whatever that anything she has done is inappropriate. Hmmm, sound familiar kidz?

So (I know long post... sorry!) tonight I started off very nice. Sitting on the couch after S7 is in bed. MC says we are supposed to spend an hour a night together, just talking or whatever. So it starts like that. The topic of her birthday this Sat came up again. She is going on another "girls night out" with walking/myspace/new neighbor friend. They are going dancing and it's the "only night they can do it". W says we talked about this earlier (I don't remember that at all and remember feeling hurt when I saw her mention of "GNO" dance party on her blog).

So I'm being "nice" and saying OK we can do a late lunch or something Sat before that. But I did say I would like some assuarances that there would be no, giving out, getting cell numbers, acting "single" etc etc. I want her to wear her wedding ring! I need her to know and act like she is a married woman!

I also go on to the other transparencies that need to happen. The computer needs to be not a secret hideaway where she could still contact the OM. I said It'd be nice to sit with her and look at her myspace site. Let me see emails and whatever that "proves" she is not cheating. I said the "secret" bank account needs to be closed. She really doen't get this. She thinks is "OK" that she started a clandestine bank account, and unless I had snooped and found it, I would have no way of knowing. Our R had NEVER had secrets like this before and it's killing it!

She again starts getting very defensive and freaking out. Everything escalated to a shouting match. She unplugs the cable modem, hands it to me, throws the bank card at me, "effing this and effing that". Really pissed! So again I feel like I'm getting to the core of the teenager here. Some more yelling and stuff and I tell her "I am not going to lose it, so you can claim I am a violent husband" I feel like she is pushing the buttons to get me to crack. She started in with the "How do I know you're not fooling around? You could be doung this to make it look like I'm the one having an affair" WTF? Jeeze please Louise!

So I slammed the door pretty good, went in the garage cut up the damn bank card and went out for a walk.
Whew! Thanks. bedtime babies!